Fifty Shades of Cancer
by eeshafsoglover
Summary: A new twist on fifty shades Ana has been battling cancer since she was little and now its back. She doesn't know if she will fight it or just let the cancer win. Will Seattle's favorite bachelor help Ana? No deaths. No cheating. Rated M just incase for the future. All rights belong to E.L James I do not own any of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was a dark day out, this was nothing new I mean Seattle was practically famous for these days. But today it felt more significant, maybe it was the sterile smell or the sound of the heart monitor but the rainy day felt darker and harder. I knew it was back, I can't explain how but I just did. Ever since Tuesday I felt the same dull pain but I ignored it prayed for it not to be true, to go away. So I kept ignoring it but then on Monday, last night the pain was unbearable, so I called 911 and Dad. I could hear the suffering in his voice because he knew what this meant too.

I can't imagine how he must feel. Ray has always been one of those guys that would do anything to help people, to lessen their suffering. I can't even imagine how he felt watching me suffer a few years ago. He was completely helpless he had no one to help him through it, mom left years ago and we didn't really have any other family it was just us. That is why I fought so hard, so I could be there for him. But now he has Jane and their kids, it's not like they don't love me or ignore me. Jane is really sweet but still it's just different now. I am glad Ray has them, he deserves a family, more than me. Right now I am happier about it that I have ever been. I got diagnosed with ovarian cancer when i was 13, it took a year of chemo and surgery but I beat did a complete hysterectomy, i can never have kids of my own but I have come to terms with that. It's been 7 years since that, I have finished high school, and I am starting my 4th year of college. But right now that feels like a distant memory, I feel like I'm 13 all over again waiting to hear what is wrong with me.

When I got to the hospital they ran all the tests and now I'm waiting for the results, once again. I sent Ray home around 5 this morning, he looked exhausted and him sitting here wasn't helping anyone. He promised to come by this morning with Jane. I want to see them of course but I am scared that Jane will look at me with pity. That has always been my biggest pet peeve, people feeling sorry for me, I get it i feel sorry for me too. Being 13 and 14 is hard enough without everyone constantly staring at you like your are going to roll over and die any second now.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when Grace walks in, she has treated me ever since I was first brought here. She is the only one I have ever been able to stand. She never looked at me like some sick dying kid or a list of symptoms and treatments. She looks angelic as always in her with lab coat and perfect hair and face.

"Hey sweetie, how are you doing? What's been going on? What's new? Oh sweet girl I missed you!" She says all this while squeezing me in her arms. I know she isn't asking about the cancer, that is why i love her.

"I've been good busy with school and everything! How are you?" I say, with my first smile of the day

"Oh same old same old, as soon as i heard your name i ran up here. Why didn't you have them page me right away? You know I would have been up here in a heartbeat!?"

"Yes I know i didn't want to bother you i came in late last night. I knew you would hunt me down when you came." I say laughing

"So what has got you back sweet girl? I know you didn't just come to see me" with that I remember why i am here. Grace has a way of making you forget about all the bad in the world.

"I think it's back" I say while silently begging my voice to stay strong and not break "I felt it since Tuesday but last night it got really bad. They ran the tests and now I'm waiting"

"Oh sweetie, we will worry about that later is we have to, we don't know anything yet"

I just give her a half smile and we sit in comfortable silence for a minute or two until her phone rings.

" Sorry give me one second"

"Hello" she listens for a few seconds

"Oh sweetie I forgot about that." I quickly tell her not to cancel anything because of me

"Alright why don't you meet me up and we'll decide from then"

"I love you. I'll see you soon"

"Elliot?" I ask. I met her family a few years ago we had dinner they were very nice people but after a while we lost touch.

"No, it was Christian, remember my other son, he was in college when we had dinner?"

"Oh, yeah." I had forgotten about that it was like 5 years ago

"Do you mind if I invite him up here? He wants to go grab lunch"

"Of course not" I want to meet him i loved the rest of her family. I'm sure i'll like him too.

We talk for what seems like a few minutes but it's just about an hour. I tell her about school, I told her I decided on going into publishing and how I already have 2 offers. She tells me how proud she is of me but not at all surprised because with my passion for books and brain she always knew I was going places. Grace has always been like the mom I always wanted. She tells me about her life, how Mia is in Paris for cooking school and Elliot and Christian both have their own business. I have heard about Elliot's construction company it's huge in Seattle. Grace's phone rings again, this time she steps out. It's probably about a patient and she can't talk about it in front of me. I take that moment to examine how I feel, all I can think about is beat up. I'm filled with dread because I know what will happen but I don't know if I can fight it.

While deep in my depressing thoughts I hear a knock on the door, I assume it's a nurse to check my vitals so I just say "come in." When I actually look up I find myself staring and the hottest most handsome man I have ever seen dressed in a perfect gray suit which makes his perfect gray eyes pop even more. "Whoa" is all that I think. He's staring too, that when I realize where I am once again. God I probably look like death in this stupid hospital bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Thank you so much to everyone who is already following! This is my first time writing a story so please bear with me. I know the chapters are short but I promise I will try to make them longer. I will try to update around twice a week but today I just wanted to get this up too as a thank you for the support already! Also to NinaGrace, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into the review and I defiantly see where you are coming from I will try to keep it in mind as i continue with the story.**

I make my way up to the room mom told me to meet her in. I really hope that she is able to have lunch, I need it. Grace Trevelyan Grey is the only source of light in my otherwise dark life. Don't get me wrong I have all I could want wealth, good looks, a good career, a loving family, any women I want. But still I find myself unhappy constantly looking for more, what I possibly want, I don't know. However when I do find out, I will get it, Christian Grey always gets what he wants. Right now what Christian Grey wants is for these god damn elevators to work.

Once I finally make it on the correct floor I make my way towards the room. I knock on the door and when I see inside I am frozen in my place. On the bed I see the most beautiful enticing woman I have ever laid eyes on, she has an adorable messy little bun on her head, the most beautiful sad brown eyes, the prettiest pink lips. She is perfection. and then all of a sudden everything hits me. First, what the fuck Grey?you don't think women have adorable buns on their head you fuck them and get out. You don't do hearts and flowers get it together fucker. Wait what is she doing here? Is she hurt? I don't see any injuries Fuck, is she sick. And for some reason that thought blows the breath out of my body. I quickly clear my throat, her eyes are wide like a deer caught in the head lights. Fuck she is so cute.

"Hi, I'm sorry, my mother told me to meet her in here, she must have given me the wrong room number" My mother is a pediatrician and the girl on the bed is definitely not a kid.

"You must be Christian, Grace's son" Whoa. She has the voice of an angel. Everything about her is perfect. Something deep inside me tells me I need this girl, I don't know why or how but I just do. Alright Grey turn on the charm, you are a 26 year old billionaire, you got this.

I give her the panty dropping smile and say "Christian Grey, pleasure to meet you"

I am just about to make my way over to her to shake her hand when my mother walks in along with a man in his early 50's.

"Hello Christian, it's so good to see you baby boy. I have missed you" I really don't get to see her as often as I should and it's my fault but my company doesn't run itself.

"Hey mom" I give her a hug much to her surprise, I am convinced I see tears in her eyes before she quickly blinks them away.

"Well, Ana I see you have met my son, Christian this is Ana, a long time favorite patient of mine and her father Ray." Fuck she is sick. I shake hands with Ray and make my way over to Ana, when I take her hand in mine it feels like it's meant to be there and something tells me she feels it too. I can't quite get a read on her though, I am good at reading people but with Ana, I just can't.

Mom starts to say something when there is a knock on the door. All of us turn to see a doctor in the doorway, a blonde man in his mid 30's, a bit shorter than me. Everyone is shorter than you, you're 6 foot 4 you giant idiot. His face seems grim, this can't be good. Fuck no she has to be okay, she has to be okay.

Mom quickly says "We'll give you your privacy."

Wait what no fuck privacy, I wanna hear what's wrong. But then I see the look on Ana's beautiful face and I can't bear it, I quickly walk out closely followed by my mother.

"Mom is she ?" I start to say but then i see the tears in her eyes. Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: Hey guys! First I just wanted to thank you all for the support it's mind blowing i didn't think anyone would even gonna read this but the feedback is surreal thank you so much! Also i love love love the reviews they motivate me to keep writing so please leave me anything you think or want in/about the story! Also I wanted to clarify that Christian was involved in BDSM but not actively i feel like that is a crucial piece of his personality. Also this is going to be a HEA (Happy Ever After) we have enough sadness in our real lives and i want this story to be an escape, there will be sad parts of course but in the end all will be well. Finally I also wanted to say that since the chapter are quite short right now i'm going to post more often because i have some free time on my hands since school is out. Sorry I will try to be consistent but i'm not sure about my routine yet but I will defiantly let you guys know. Once again i cant thank you guys enough for the support! Enough babbling here is the next chapter:**

Chapter 3

Ana's P.O.V.

I can tell by the look on the doctor's face and all of a sudden I feel numb. Fuck, please no I can't do it again.

I quickly tell him to call me Ana, this man is basically about to tell me i'm going to die we should at least be on a first name basis.

"Right, Ana, I am so sorry to tell you that the cancer is back"

"How? She already got parts of her cut out to avoid this how the fuck does this happen?"

I flinch at Ray's words i know he's angry but it's not the poor doctor's fault. I put my hand over Ray's to calm him down and signal for the doctor to continue.

"The cancer seems to have come back and spread to the stomach, lymph notes and blood vessels, it is now considered a stage 3 cancer, fast and aggressive."

After that everything just kind of fades away. I expected cancer, I knew it was back but not this bad. I fought with all I had last time. I can't fight again. I don't want to, Ray has Jane and her kids everything will be fine without me I can go. I think Ray senses what I am thinks because he quickly and loudly says "No."I look up at him in confusion and in reply he says,"Anastasia Rose Steele, I am your father, no matter what science says, I know what you are thinking and I am telling you no. We are fighting this. I don't care what it takes."

That is all it takes for the wall I didn't even know was there to break. The tears start pouring out of me like the rain outside.

The doctor quickly says "I am so sorry. I will come back in a little while to talk about your options." and walks out.

"I am sorry daddy" I say in between sobs.

Ray's voice breaks when he says "No, you have nothing to be sorry for, babygirl. We are gonna fight this just like last time. I am not letting you leave me. Now, do you want me to go get Grace for you?" I quickly shake my head, I don't want the Adonis to see me like this.

"Alright, I'll go tell her to go have lunch with her son" I loosen the grip I didn't know I had on him and let him go.

After a minute I hear someone enter the room I assume its Ray so I just continue to look at the floor, looking at the dirt that isn't there.

"You didn't wanna see me sweetie?" Grace says with tears in her eyes.

"No, of course not Grace. You go have lunch. Looks like I'll be here when you get back" My voice breaks on the last word.

"I am so sorry sweetie, I know this is tough but we will fight this, this doesn't define you or your life."

"What if I don't want to fight?" I ask in a small voice. "What if I just want to go home?"

"Ana, you have to fight. Don't say that."

"It's stage 3 and it's spread Grace. I don't even know if I can right let alone if I want to. I'm over 18 I get to choose." She doesn't say anything.

"Look I'm not deciding anything right now. You go! I'll see you later."

"Alright" Grace says hesitantly. She comes closer to hold my hand and says " I just need you to know that I love you like my own daughter no matter what Ana. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, I love you too Grace." My voice breaks when I say her name.

She gives me one last kiss on the forehead wipes my tears and leaves.

Grace wants you to fight for her. Ray wants you to fight for him. God I can't even imagine Kate's reaction. Kate has been my best friend since 10th grade after the first time. She cried just when I told her about it and back then it was already over. They want me to fight for them but I don't want to fight for myself. This evil inner bitch keeps reminding me that everyone will be okay when I'm gone the earth will still turn and the sun will still rise. I just can't go through it again living in the hospital, disrupting everyone's life being a burden. I love them too much to watch them suffer again. I can't help but think of Christian, the Adonis, I will never have a chance with him. "You never had a chance anyway" my inner bitch chimes in, I can't help but agree but atleast there was hope.

A few minutes pass by and I finally realize that Ray hasn't come back. I get up to go check on him, god it's only been a day but my body feels so weak. I manage to make it to the door when I hear Ray talking, on the phone I assume because I only hear him.

"Look I'm sorry I'm not there I'll make it up to him but Ana is my daughter too and she needs me." He pauses for a second to listen.

"Jane! How could you even say that? That girl is my oldest daughter I love her and I would do anything for her." He sounds angry but he's talking really quietly presumably so I don't hear.

"No that's not what I meant. You're twisting my words. Jane? Jane!" I quickly get back into bed I don't want him to know that I heard that.

"Look at what you are fucking doing already, you're gonna take his family away just like you did for all those years." my inner bitch says

Fuck. I can't do this to him he's already given up too much for me. I'm not gonna drag this on, I'm leaving. Ray comes back into the room looking disheveled but trying to hide it.

"Everything okay dad?" No. Nothing is fucking okay anymore.

"Yeah sweetie of course"

"Dad I'm sure you had something planned for today you go. I'm kind of exhausted I'm just gonna rest."

He's hesitant about leaving and makes me promise to call him for text him at least once an hour. He's so hesitant on leaving that I finally attempt to get up and push him out when he sees how weak I am and leaves to stop me after promising he'll be back soon.

And then there was one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors notes: Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews and follows you guys have no idea how much it means to me. Also I was wondering if you guys would be interested in me crating a Pinterest for this story, if so let me know in the reviews.I promise the next chapter will be longer! I look forward to hearing from you guys, enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter 4

I take this opportunity to call the nurse in here to ask for my doctor again. We never got to finish our talk when I broke down. While I wait for a doctor I start making plans about what will happen after I leave. I'll probably just go back to my old apartment that way I won't be in anyone's way. I want to just live my life normally I don't wanna to die in a hospital bed hooked up to dozens of machines. I can spend the rest of my life happy. That thought brings a small smile to my face. That is when the doctor walks back in.

"Hey. How are you feeling Ana?"

"About as good as I can be"

He gives me a sympathetic smile and goes on to tell me everything I already heard the first time about how I have options and there's hope blah blah blah. I sort of space out until he's done and I say the words that have been building inside of me.

"I'm not going to fight it." He looks shocked for a second but quickly recovers.

"If that is your choice I have no option but to support you but I do advise you to think this over. This doesn't have to be the end Ana."

"How long will I have?"

"If you don't fight at all?" I nod. "A few months, six at the most. But you can fight for more time Ana."

"I know but I have already done this before and I'm not going to do it again. I don't want to be stuck in a hospital again I want be happy and live the life that I never got to. Can you please get me the paperwork I'm gonna need to leave and also a D.N.R form?"

"Of course, I will have your nurse bring it to you."

After I thank him he smiles and takes his leave. When he is gone I'm flooded with the thoughts about the call I have been delaying since I came into this hellhole, Kate. I want to tell her in person I know she'll need me when I tell her and I want to be there for her. I reach for my cell phone and dial her number. She picks up on the second bell.

"Anastasia Rose Steele where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick!"

"I know I'm sorry" fuck my voice is already cracking. Get it together Steele!

"Ana is everything okay? Where are you? I'm coming to get you." I can't do this here, she can't come here.

"Listen I'm gonna be at my apartment in the morning can you come by around 11:00?"

"Yeah of course but you're scaring me is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it will be. I'll see you tomorrow." I hang up and cry until I fall asleep. This isn't fair I shouldn't have to hurt her.

"What the fuck?!" I jolt up at the sound of Rays voice. I see him holding up paper. Fuck that's the D.N.R. form. Fuck.

"What the fuck is this Anastasia?" He asks again now yelling.

"I...I.." just then Grace walks in and tells Ray to calm down which he does eventually.

"Annie I… why?" Grace looks confused until she sees the form that Ray still has in a death grip.

"Are you sure?" Grace asks quietly and I nod my head. This is what I want. This is what is best. "Well alright then." Grace says. Ray almost looks betrayed and then he quickly storms out.

"He will come around. You cannot imagine how difficult this is for him, he feels helpless and guilty. But we both know we can't force you into something and we trust your judgement. We love you babygirl" that's the last thing she says before we both start crying for the loss we feel.

Ray comes back in about an hour or 2 I lost track after Grace left for her shift.

"What do you want do Annie?" Ray finally says while looking anywhere but at me.

"Well first of all I want you to look at me." he finally makes eye contact with me and I can see the fear, and I can see that he's been crying. I see

all the pain I caused. I open my arms out and he gives me a tight hug. After a few minutes we separate from each other and he goes to sit on the chair near the bed.

"Daddy I know you don't understand but I do not want to be stuck here again. You remember what it was like last time, I was stuck here for months at a time. I cannot do it again, I just want to be free and I want to enjoy the rest of my life rather than having to go through constant surgeries and treatments. And most of all I want you to support me Dad I need this. Please."

He is just watching me trying to absorb what I just said. I know this must be incredibly difficult for him to have to let go, Raymond Steele has never been a man who backs down from a fight but I know he would do anything for me.

"How am I going to live without babygirl? How am I just supposed to let you give up?"

"I am not giving up. I am making a choice to be happy, that's what you've always for me and this is it. And you will get through this because you have Jane and the kids. You will live your life and be happy for me. I love you Daddy. Please just let me do this."

"Fine. You will move in with Jane and I. We have a spare bedroom that we have been trying to do something with anyway."

"No no no absolutely not. I am going to move back into my apartment and live my life."

"Annie but you" I cut him off there.

"No buts Dad you taught me that. I'm gonna be discharged tomorrow morning I'm just gonna need you to drop me off to my apartment and then Kate is gonna come by later."

"You haven't told her yet have you?" He knows me all too well. He knows that the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

"No I'm going to tomorrow"

"I am going to ask you one more time Anastasia. Are you sure about this? Because if you have the smallest little amount of doubt I will stand with you, Grace, Kate,Jane we will all stand with you and fight this just like last time." No I can't do that to them. I won't.

"I'm sure"

"Well alright then I will drop you of tomorrow. Have you eaten yet?"

"No I was just going to call for some dinner."

"Dear god hospital food? No I will go pick up something and get Jane too she felt bad that she couldn't make it this morning."

"Okay"

While Ray is gone I fill out the paperwork. It just says that I'm agreeing to leave against the advice of my doctors blah blah and it drags on. I get stuck on the D.N.R., when I sign this form it means that if I die they can't try to save me. I don't want it to be a long drawn out process but for some reason I just keep staring at the paper rather than signing my name and completing the process.

Ray walks in with Jane while carrying Chinese food at which my stomach lets out a growl. They make a really cute couple Jane is 5'7 and has a good figure. She has dark brown almost blonde hair and gorgeous hazel eyes. I actually really like Jane she's very sweet and has a maternal vibe she makes everyone feel safe and happy. My dad is 6'2, pretty well built but not intimidatingly so. They look so good and whole with each other. A bit of sadness comes over me when I realize I will never have this but I quickly snap out of it. Jane gave me a nice hug and then we ate dinner. She told me that it was James, her youngest son "graduated" from middle school today, that must be why she was upset at dad which is completely understandable. They both leave around 9 after a hug and telling me they'll be back in the morning. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't feel uncomfortable around Jane she didn't show any pity towards me.

I stay for a bit longer and I can't help but think about Christian. I wonder if he has someone, probably he is crazy attractive and from the looks of it wealthy too. But he had this look of sadness in his eyes. "Yes you tend to have that effect on people." My inner bitch pipes up and I can't help but agree. After about an hour or so of watching t.v. and thinking sleep finally finds me and I drift off to dreams of piercing grey eyes.

I woke up a few times in the middle of the night because of nurses and the uncomfortable bed but other than that nothing happened. The next morning I feel a bit better and more energetic because i get to get out of here. The weather is a bit sunnier and warmer out today too. Ray comes by with Jane around 9 after when I am almost ready to leave. I can tell that Ray still isn't happy with my decision but at least he is supporting me. I am determined that I am not going to let this ruin me I am going to be happy. Grace came by earlier and told me she that she supported me and loved me and that she will come by to visit soon so I am all set to get out of here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Notes: Hey guys! Long time no see. I am so sorry for the wait. I lost someone really close to me and i have just really been down. Then I ended up going on a mini vacation but I am back! I will try to write as much as I can and post some stuff up for you guys. As always please leave me reviews I love reading them!**

We get to my apartment after Ray and Jane make sure I'm settled in they take their leave. I let them go because I know Kate is gonna come by soon and I want to talk to her alone. I'm dreading telling Kate I already know how she is going to react first it will basically be the 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, and depression I don't know if she will make it to acceptance I really hope she will because i'm gonna need my best friend Kate is basically a sister to me. i love her with all of my heart I hate that I am going to hurt her but if I fight I know that she is going to want me to move back in or stay with me all the time i cannot burden her with that she should be happy she deserves it.

Kate being as punctual as she is rings my doorbell at 11 exactly. When I open she instantly wraps me in a hug and holds on.

"God Steele you scared me when you didn't answer and then on the phone what the hell is going on?" a single tear slips out of my eye because i am about to tell my best friend some of the worst new she will ever hear.

"Listen before I start I need you to promise not to interrupt and listen okay." She quickly nods with fear in her eyes. "I have cancer again and its spread this time." I say quickly.

"What? How? You're gonna be.." I give her a stern look to remind her of her promise before I continue.

"I have thought about it a lot and I have decided that I am not going to fight it. I don't have the strength anymore. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the hospital. I wanna have fun and be happy and live for whatever time I have left. And I need you by my side you are my best friend. I need you. I love you."

Kate has silent tears falling down her face she quickly looks at the floor before looking back at me

"No. No you are going to be fine just like last time. We are going to be fine Ana."

"Not this time, I'm sorry. You are going to be fine though Kate you need to know that."

"No screw you i'm not going to be fine Ana. This is so selfish of you how can you give up on me on everyone? How can you do this?"

At this point I let the tears fall. I understand what she is saying. But she doesn't get that I'm doing this for them. I am not going to put them through my sickness again.

"I know you're angry and know that I'm not selfish. I am not giving up on you I love you but i need to make this choice I am not going to put myself or you guys through this. I want to be free and happy Kate. Please."

"Fine you will be happy and go but what about me Ana" all of a sudden she breaks down I hold her while she sobs. I feel heartless right now but I know that if I fought this is what it would be like for months. I can't do this to her. I won't she will be fine eventually. After a while she stops crying but neither of us let go of each other we sit in silence for a what feels like few minutes.

"How long?" she asks in a small, timid voice.

" A few months." I answer even quieter than her. She takes a deep breath and separates herself from me. "Then we have no time to waste. But first I am starving wanna grab something to eat?" I offer to cook I'm not really in the mood to go out right now. Cooking can serve as a distraction for me plus I enjoy cooking. I know that Kate is just putting up a strong front right now she never wants to be weak or stay stuck in a feeling.

While Kate goes to clean herself up I boil some pasta and start on the cheese sauce for the Mac and Cheese. I thought of mac and cheese because we both could use some comfort food about now. When she comes back she starts to find movies for us to watch because she's hopeless in the kitchen. I decide on making some chocolate chip cookies too because everyone can always use a homemade cookie or four.

When it is all finished I go sit and we spend our day snuggled on the couch watch the classics like Mean Girl, Dirty Dancing, and The Notebook. It brings back college memories. This is pretty much how we spent Friday nights unless we went out which was pretty rare. I'm not really about the club scene but Kate does drag me out sometimes. I realize that I probably won't go back to college, there's still 2 months before it starts back up and I don't want to spend my last few months worrying about getting a degree i won't have a chance to use. For some reason the thought of being done with it makes me a little depressed.

We start to doze off on the couch and she agrees to sleepover. Knowing Kate I know she is going to want me to move back in with her which I will never agree too. It's probably gonna be nights like these that I miss the most, just two carefree best friends pigging out while watching the corniest chick flicks Netflix has to offer. With that final thought I fall asleep only to be haunted with those gleaming grey eyes.

When I wake up I find a text on my phone from Kate telling me she had a few things to do so she left early, also that she loves me and will see me later. I quickly reply and get out of bed and ready for my day. When I walk out of my room I am face to face with the mess that Kate and I created last night, I didn't bother to clean up after I cooked and all the dirty dishes are left on the table as well as our tissues from crying after the notebook. I decide that I will get breakfast from outside and face the mess after I come back.

I take my Wanda, my beloved beetle and drive out. After just five minutes I stop at one of my favorite places. It is this small cozy cafe that I go to a bit too often. It is pretty close to the main city so there are always people in it but never crammed. it offers a nice getaway from the fast life the city consist of. I walk into the familiar setting and am immediately greeted by May. May has been the owner of this place since 1984 when it first opened, we know each other well since I come so often. I go give her a hug over the counter, she smells like hot coffee and cookies.

"Oh, it's been so long Ana how are you sweetheart?"

"I'm good May. How are you doing? I've missed you?"

"Oh I'm great. Now tell me what can I get for ya? You look like you lost weight Ana"

"I'm fine May quit worrying! I will get a cup of coffee and the double chocolate muffin is calling my name too" I say with a smile.

"You got it sweetheart."

"How much is it?"

"Oh no it's on the house for you." I insist on paying but knowing how stubborn she is I concede and thank her. When I turn around I hit what feels like an extremely well dressed wall which results in me spilling my coffee on me and the floor. I also lose my balance but I feel a strong pair of arms holding me up.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" a familiar voice urgently asked. When I look up I see the perfect grey eyes that have been haunting my dreams. I try to find words to say. Something. Anything? He hasn't said anything since he looked at me either and I can't help but wonder what he is thinking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Hey guys!I just wanted to leave a quick not saying thanks for all the review and follows! Also a lot of you have mentioned that Ana is begin a bit selfish because she's making everyone suffer by not fighting and i just wanted to address that. If I am being completely honest I sort of agree with you guys Ana is being a little selfish and annoying BUT she truly doesn't believe that she makes a big impact on anyone's life. It will sort itself out soon i promise just put your faith in me for a little longer. Be sure to let me hear form you guys I really love your opinions and I will try to work them in as best as i can with the story. Love you, see you guys soon.**

Chapter 6

C.P.O.V

Fuck could this day be any worse. The assholes I'm meeting with today were completely useless I am going to liquidate them I have had enough of their had the nerve to disrespect Ros, my number 2 at GEH and had no explanations for the crazy amounts of money being spent. Also Andrea is out sick so I have to go get my own coffee. If I'm being honest I'm grateful for the distractions I haven't been getting sleep lately so instead I work. My sleep has been chased off by my nightmares. The nightmares are worse than ever except now they aren't about the crack whore I am instead haunted by thoughts of Ana. I need to know if she's okay, Mom can't tell me anything because of privacy laws which of course I respect but I'm desperate.

I decide that I'm going to walk to the coffee place that Andrea told me about it's fairly close and it's not a bad day out. It's a nice cozy looking cafe on a hidden corner. When I go inside I get in line behind a brunette talking to the cashier. Wait, I know that voice, that voice has been haunting my dreams. Ana. Before I can react we bump into each other which makes Ana spill her coffee and lose her balance I instinctively grab onto her. I quickly apologize when she recognizes me she looks up and I get lost in her all over again. God she's so beautiful. She's dressed in the cutest summer outfit and damn her legs go on for miles. I realize I have been staring at her but then again she hasn't said anything either. I also realize that I haven't let her go. She feels so good in my arms I don't want to let go. I clear my throat and loosen my grip on her small waist.

"Ana! What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?"

"I.. um.." She's adorable I'm fucked "I always come here when I'm in Seattle." She gives a smile and my heart melts. Wait. What heart is this Grey?

"I am so sorry about your coffee here let me buy you another one."

"Oh no that's really okay."

"Don't be ridiculous. I got it. Are you staying?" Yes. Please. I need you to stay.

"Uh yeah I was gonna eat here." YES.

"Perfect why don't you pick a table and I'll grab our coffees"

"Okay." Good. I order to coffees, mine black of course and her with cream and sugar. While I wait I realize the last time I saw her she was in the hospital and my mother. Wait so if she's not in the hospital anymore she's fine. Right?

I make my way back to the table and I can't help but notice she's nervous, she's playing with her fingers and staring outside. It's scary what I would give up to know what she's thinking right now. Ana is a bit of a mystery but I will figure her out.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I would pay a lot more than a penny. She just shakes her head smiles and thanks me for the coffee.

"You're a bit of a mystery, you know?" She seems surprised that I said that and honestly I am a bit surprised too but she just has this way of making me feel like I can say anything.

"I'm a mystery? What about you?" She says with a big smile. From this moment my goal in life is to make her smile as often as I possibly can.

"Well what about me? I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"Okay we'll start easy what do you do?"

"I'm the CEO of GEH, you just wasted a question my turn. Tell me about yourself."

"Well technically that isn't a question" she says while laughing, holy fuck that's the best sound I have ever heard. "But there really isn't much to tell. Be more specific next time."

"What? That is not an answer" I want to know everything about you. Your favorite color, your dreams, nightmares, everything.

"Well you technically didn't ask a question."

"Fine. Go." God she makes me happy.

"Okay ummm. What brings you here?"

"I wanted coffee and some fresh air. Tell me about your family."

"I'm sorry. Are you fully aware of what a question is?" I can't help but laugh damn her smart mouth.

We banter on for what feels like a few minutes but it's actually the better part of an hour. I get a reminder that my next meeting is in half an hour. Fuck I don't want to let her go.

A. .

I'm actually really enjoying myself with Christian but in the back of my mind I know I should let him go. I feel myself getting attached and I think he feels the same but I am not going to let myself hurt someone else. When he gets a reminder on his phone I take it as my cue to leave. Before I can go he stops me and says "Wait, I'm sorry I have to go but I'd really like to see you again. How about dinner tomorrow night?"

Every nerve in my body is telling me to say yes because if I am honest I want to see him again and spend time with him but I can't.

"Um I.. I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sorry I need to go."And with that I make the most awkward exit leaving him looking like a fish fresh out of water. Hottest damn fish I've ever seen. I try not to think about what just happened because if I do I will become extremely sad and I have things to do today. First I'm gonna go visit Ray because I promised him I would and I also need to get some groceries for the apartment.

The visit to Ray was delightfully uneventful, I saw the kids and congratulate James on starting high school. At around 1 I leave and head to the grocery store. While I'm at the store I get a call from Grace my first thought is about Christian but he doesn't seem like the type who tells his mother everything.

"Hi sweet girl! How are you?"

"I'm good! What's up?"

"Well I just wanted to make sure that you were coming to the Coping together Gala."

"Oh crap! I totally forgot about that! I don't have anything to wear. Crap!"

"Don't worry about it Ana! I'll have Neimans get an appointment and someone to help you today it'll be fine but I really want you to be there."

"Yeah. Okay just text me and let me know when you can get an appointment. Thank you!"

"Of course. I'll talk to you later bye sweetie."

Well fuck. I have to get a haircut, my nails done, and a spa day in general, I'll get Kate and we can go tomorrow. She's probably invited to the gala anyway so it works out perfectly. Oh shit he's probably gonna be there. Well it's a big event I doubt he'll even see me and I'm sure he'll have a date. I grab everything i need and head home I don't really feel too good anyway. I try to push the thought out of my head at least till I'm home.

By the time I get home and get cleaned up it's already 4. I have yet to eat and I really don't feel good but I have the appointment to get my dress at 6:30. I decide to just eat some oatmeal so I have something in my stomach, my cancer ridden stomach. Fuck. I just want to not think about it but that is proving to be impossible. I take a power nap and hope it'll make me feel better.

When I wake it's 5:30 and I'm covered with a blanket. Kate is sitting in the kitchen looking upset but quickly tries to hide it but I know her all to well.

"Hey what's wrong?" I ask her

"Nothing I'm just tired kinda hungry you want something?"

"No I'm good. But are you sure?"

"Yeah yeah don't worry about it"

"Okay well I'm here if you wanna talk." Holy shit but I won't be in a few months. She'll be fine not everything is about you asshole she'll find another friend.

I tell her about my appointment and invite her along lord knows I could use her guidance I don't know much about ballgowns. But I know that I don't wanna go safe for the first time in my life I'm not scared of standing out and being bold. Maybe red? I don't know I need Kate.

When we get there I'm immediately greeted by a professional looking woman probably in her sixties. She leads me off to the fitting rooms where every part of me gets measured. When we're done she leads me off to a room filled with the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen. I try on about 6 or 7 before she bring out a gorgeous nude gown with beautiful gems on the top along with lace and a low sweetheart neckline. It's fitting and has a tail on the bottom, it's perfect. Kate immediately agrees and goes off to find matching shoes, jewelry, and a purse while I change out of the dress. When we're done the total comes out to $3,000, I was honestly expecting worse.

It's around 8 so we decide to grab dinner before going home. We have dinner at a cute local pizza place. While we were having dinner we both agree to go to the spa tomorrow, getting facials mani pedi's and other stupid stuff to make us feel good. She agrees to just stay over at my place because we're gonna meet up in the morning anyway. We decide to go to Esclava, Grace mentioned it a couple of times but I've never gone. Kate wants to check it out too so it works out perfectly.

We sleep in the next day before I get up and make pancakes for us. We head over to the spa around noon because our appointment is 12:30 and it'll take half an hour to get there. The whole day was really relaxing other than this weird mega blonde lady, she was giving me a really weird negative vibe. Lucky she left after a few minutes so Kate and I could enjoy, we both got facials waxing and our nails I got nude and she got black. We relaxed for the rest of the day while talking about our makeup and hair for tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note: Hey guys! I know there has been a lot of controversy surrounding whether or not Ana should get treatment and this is the way I decided to do it. Ana does want to try but only for Kate and Ray she doesn't really care whether or not she survives. As always I look forward to your reviews. See you later guys!**

When we wake up it already 11:30 and we have to leave at 6 since Grace wanted us there at 7 the latest and Bellevue is around 45 minutes from here we wanted to leave a little early just incase. This morning has brought a new sense for clarity for me Kate has been upset lately and yesterday I could see it in Kate's eyes too. I know that I am the reason for all of their hurt so I am making a decision. I am going to fight for them, it probably won't even be successful but I need them to know that I care enough to fight and try. I don't want to leave them thinking that I gave up, so I will do another round of radiation and chemo I went through it once I can do it one last time. I don't want to tell Kate or Ray yet but I will after tonight I want tonight to be my one last night before I'm stuck in the hospital once more.

We both get started on our hair around 3 after having a light breakfast and relaxing. I decide I'm gonna do soft curls and a messy braided bun for my hair with help from Kate. Kate is gonna straighten her gorgeous blonde hair. She is going pretty light for makeup, a soft smokey eye and a nude lip. I decide I'm actually gonna go a bit bolder with my makeup, a champagne gold and brown smokey eye and a bright red lip to match the bottom of my shoes. This is no time to bitch out, tonight I'm leaving the shy Ana behind. When I'm all done it's 5:40 so I slip into my gown and I have to admit I look pretty good. Kate looks incredible in her long black gown it's more of an understated bombshell look. Damn we look good. My heart hurts a little when i I realize this is probably the last time that we will get all dressed up together. No. I'm not letting myself ruin this night.

We arrive at Bellevue at 6:50, it looks beautifully done up with soft lights and green carpet. We step out and get our picture taken by the waiting photographers. There is soft jazz music playing all through the house. I stand and admire the view while Kate goes to find her family after making me promise to come find her when I can. I quickly remind myself of my mission for tonight, have a blast and ignore him. I haven't stopped thinking about him, the Adonis, the grey eyed god, the focal point of all my dreams. No matter what I am not getting involved with him he deserves better than damaged goods. Everyone I get involved in gets hurt I am not going to do that to him.

I begin to make my way down the steps nervous of falling and embarrassing myself in front of everyone. When I finally make it down I'm greeted by the voice I will never forget.

"Ana" Well fuck there goes that mission. I slowly look up and am immediately hypnotized by those gorgeous eyes he has. I quickly scan around for any bimbo date he may have. Surely he didn't come alone. None. Crap.

"Christian" I say in a formal tone.

"You look… I.. you.. Breathtaking" He says chuckling at his sudden loss for words.

"Thank you. You look pretty good yourself."

"Thank you I tried my best." I am about to get out of there before he says "So what are you doing here?"

"Oh Grace invited me. I came last year too."

"Right I was away for business last year." He's too attractive I have to get out of here before I succumb to his charms.

"Well I have to go find my friend. Have a good night."

"I hope I see you around Ana." He looked like he wanted to say more but he just smiled politely.

I go off to find Kate and a drink, a strong one. I find Kate with her parents and a man I can't see. I make my way over to their table.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kavanagh it's so wonderful to see you again!"

"Anastasia it is wonderful to see you again looking so lovely too." Mrs. Kavanagh says. I have always liked her she's friendly. Mr. Kavanagh on the other hand is kind of cold and rude and Kate has told me he's a cheater. He just nods towards me and I nod back.

"Don't tell me you already forgot about me Banana." The man I saw earlier says his mask covers most of his face so I don't recognize

immediately but there only one person who calls me Banana. Ethan. Oh Ethan Kavanagh the summer fling that never was. He is the all american blonde surfer boy, the best friends brother you secretly love. We had a quick summer "thing" when I went to vacation with the Kavanaghs back in 2012. We both knew it could never have worked so we never followed up on it after the summer but something tells me Ethan still has feelings for me. Before I can do anything I am engulfed in a bear hug by him. God he smells good.

"You look incredible" he whispers in my ear during the embrace. I feel like someone is staring a hole into me. I look around over Ethan's muscular shoulder and make eye contact with the same blazing grey eyes I have been running from. He looks pissed what is his problem? When Ethan finally lets me go after his father cleared his throat not so subtly.

Hey Ethan it's been way too long how have you been?" I say formally clearly uncomfortable in the situation.

"Oh quit the small talk come on let's get a drink." We make our way over to the bar and order a few drinks.

"I missed you Steele."

"I missed you too. I was curious though how have you been what has been going on? We haven't talked in so long."

"I know. I'm sorry I've just been so busy with finishing college and finding a job. What about you Banana?"

"Oh you know same old me" I don't wanna ruin his night right now and tell him about the cancer I wanna enjoy tonight. Before we could speak further I got interrupted by what looked like a big ball of raven hair and pink coming at me. Mia. Before I could even react I was receiving a big warm hug from her. We grew to be quite close when Grace introduced us but we ended up losing touch when I went back to school. Mia has always been the crazy perky sister I wanted.

"Oh my god! What are you doing here? It has been so long I missed you Ana!" she says all in one breath.

"I know! Hi you look amazing." She's in a gorgeous somehow classy yet loud fitting pink gown. Her hair is in crazy big pretty curls and her makeup is more on the natural side to complement her dress.

"Uh hello? Me amazing you look hot as fuck when did this happen god Steele." After she sees this she finally sees Ethan who has been awkwardly standing there since Mia got here.

"Oh I'm sorry where are my manners? Mia this is Ethan, Kate's brother, Ethan this is Mia."

"It's so nice to meet you." Mia offers her hand.

"The pleasure is all mine." OH! The sparks are flying up in here! I see Grace and I excuse myself to let them mingle and go say hi to Grace. As I'm walking I feel like somebody's watching me but I don't see anyone so I just keep walking.

"Hey Grace" I say with a smile. She just finished talking to the cutest older couple they were wearing matching copper accessories. "You'll never get to grow old with someone" the inner bitch says I plead her to shut her pie hole at least tonight.

"Ana. You look stunning oh my god when did you grow into such a fine young woman?" Grace says getting a little teary.

"Oh Grace no not tonight come on." I plead her I want tonight to be a happy memory.

"I know i know i'm sorry. Where's Ray?"

"He couldn't make it one of the kids was sick and Jane didn't want to leave him alone at night." I say a bit disappointed I was really hoping that he could make it tonight I know it isn't their fault but still.

"Oh that's a darn shame but come on let me introduce you to some people." She takes me to her table which is in the middle of the room. At the table I see the older couple that Grace was taking to earlier.

"Ana there are my parents Theodore and Evelyn" They both get up to greet me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Grace has told me so much about the both of you."

"Oh the pleasure's all mine darling Grace has talked so much about you too told us all about the wonderful young lady you are i'm so glad we finally got to meet." I blush brightly under his compliments.

"Oh and such a pretty young lady too my my what i would do for that beautiful wrinkle free face." Evelyn says. I wish i had the chance to get wrinkles.

"Pardon her manners dear she thinks that now that she is old she can say anything" He smiled at me and then looked at her fondly.

"Nothing to forgive thank you!" I say laughing a bit embarrassed. I look around the table and see that Elliot is standing with his back to me. Grace is about to get his attention but I tell her not to.

I sneak up right behind him and say right in his ear (as close as i can get considering he is 6'3) "Your hair looks stupid."

His usual crazy blond curls are tamed with what seems like an entire bottle of gel. He jumped immediately making me satisfied because little old me can scare this blonde giant. He looks mad when he turns around he looks pissed but all the anger disappears when he sees that it's me.

"Jesus Christ Ana still trying to kill me after all these years." He wraps me in a hug

"It's been way too long little girl" He says softly filled with emotion. Elliot has been like a big brother to me ever since we met.

"I know. Sorry." I say petulantly.

"Don't be You're here now and god damn you are out for blood." He says laughing after really looking at me.

"Well you don't look to shabby yourself who would've thought Elliot Grey, in a tux not bad."

"I'll have you know I run a company now. I own ties." He says in a matter of fact tone.

"Doesn't count if they are the clip on kind." He gets a frustrated look and I can't help but laugh. While I'm laughing I hear someone clear their throat I turn to see who Elliott was talking to. Shit.

"Oh Christian I forgot you weren't here when Ana came. Ana, Christian, Christian, Ana."

"Yes we meet a couple of days ago actually" Elliot's has a confused look on his face so Christian continues. God even his voice is so hot and deep and ugh. "At the hospital." Shit I didn't want Elliot knowing that!

"What the fuck were you doing at a hospital Ana?" Elliot says obviously shocked. Before I can answer I hear the MC telling us to get to our seats because dinner will be served soon.

"Nothing. Gotta go. Sorry" I get out of there as fast as possible but before i can sit down Mia stops me.

"Hey wanna help with the auction tonight?" She asks.

"Yeah of course" I say quickly. I doubt I'm gonna actually donate as much as most people here at least I can do this.

"Awesome! I'll come get you and Kate after dinner." I say quickly and we both go sit. I'm seated next to Kate thank god because I don't know my face from my foot when it comes to using the right spoon. Despite my struggle with the cutlery the food was delicious and I am stuffed. As promised after dinner Mia comes and takes us near the stage.

"Okay so what exactly are we doing Mia?" Before she can answer I hear the MC's voice booming. "Okay ladies and gentlemen it is time for my favorite part of the night The First Dance Auction. Anybody interested in sharing a dance with any of these beautiful ladies step on up."


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note: Hey Guys! Sorry that I haven't been updating as often as I said I would but I just started my internship at a hospital and my schedule was a bit hectic but I am back to writing! As an apology and a thank you for a hundred followers (!) here is the biggest update I have ever done by far. Also before I start I just wanted to clarify that Ana and Ethan did NOT sleep together. It was just an innocent summer romance nothing more than kissing. True to the books Ana is still a virgin. Anyways love you guys lots! Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!**

"I am going to kill you." I say to Mia along with a look that could kill. She gives me a evil little smirk. Holy moly a lot of people stepped up. What if nobody bids on me? Crap.

"First up we have the beautiful Rachel. Rachel is a world class surgeon who is also fluent in 4 languages and loves yoga" what the fuck? Okay if Rachel is the standard I am out of here. Mia quickly tells us that it's all bullshit and I take a breath because I have nothing like that. Rachel gets "sold" for $4,000 damn that's pretty good. When Mia goes she goes for $9,000 to Ethan after some competition. Interestiinngggg I think to myself.

"Next up we have the marvelous Katherine…" He goes on to say a bunch of rubbish Elliot quickly bids $10,000 and wins. Damn setting me up to look bad but Kate looks like she has died and gone to heaven. "Like you will soon?" Oh not now!

"Alright and next we have the Amazing Anastasia, originally from Russia she comes from a long line of royalty, She is an award winning writer also. Wow beauty and brains what a catch." And on cue I blush the color of my lipstick I'm sure.

"15,000" someone calls out quickly. Hold up what? It's Christian oh shit no!

"25" Someone else says. Oh my god this is some kind of sick joke.

Christian looks surprised but quickly says "50 thousand" much to the delight of the MC "Looks like we have some high rollers tonight!" The whole room has gone silent. Kill me now.

"75" The other man says smirking. Who the hell is he? Jokes on them. I can't even dance.

"100,000" Christian says obviously fed up with him. The MC looks at the other man who shakes his head.

"Sold to the highest donor of the night!" There is a deafening round of applause. I take this as my chance and basically sprint of the stage. I can't remember the last time i was so humiliated I felt like a piece of meat. I quickly remind myself that is is for a good cause. Somehow despite my speed Christian is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs of the stage.

"I can't dance." I boldly say to him. He just smiles at me. "I would have danced with you for free you know?" I say after a few seconds of silence while raising my eyebrow.

"Well I wanted to be your first. And at least now you can't run away." He says to me. God his voice is like raspy and still so smooth and deep and his lips are so pouty and pink. Wait what did he say? Oh yeah.

"I didn't run first of all. And Secondly buying me to make me stay is not the greatest strategy."

"Good point Anastasia" He says defeated but still smirking. He's walking with me while holding my hand when I see Grace and Carrick with a shocked look on their faces. What's that about?

"Hey i need to go say hi to your dad." I say to Christian in an attempt to get away from him. I can't think clearly around him. Despite my efforts he smiles and follows me to his parents, great.

"Hey it's so good to see you!"

"Ana I thought I told you it's Carrick. I've missed you. How are you doing?" We continue to talk comfortably for a few minutes. I've always really liked Carrick, he always has this calming vibe to him kind of like Grace. We continue to exchange formalities while Christian stands still holding my hand. God how I wish he wouldn't have to let go. Eventually Carrick and Grace get called over to another table which leaves me and the Adonis alone once again. Dear god help me not succumb to this man and his charms a mere mortal like me cannot resist him. I have never been a religious person but right now I'm calling on anything to help me.

C.P.O.V.

God she is so beautiful. What the fuck is happening to me. I am a 26 year old billionaire, a complete catch on anybody's scale. I am always in control but when I am around Ana i feel like a 5 year old begging for attention. How does she manage to make me so happy yet so confused all at once, I need to talk to Flynn. Before Ana I was only interested in a contract, a sub that would do anything to please me. But I don't want that with Ana I want something else, something more? I DON'T KNOW. It's damn frustrating, almost as damn frustrating as her. One minute she seems happy and like she likes me and the next she is running of.

She seems to happy and at ease when she is talking to my parents, they love her of course, she is amazing. She is letting me hold her hand which for some reason means the world to me right now. I can't explain it, I know that we shouldn't be together, that I would only hurt her but I find myself unable to let go of her. I can't stop looking at her. She looks so beautiful tonight, everything about her is just perfect. Unfortunately I am not the only one who is noticing every fucker noticed Ana as soon as they see her, how can they not but she is mine. "No she isn't dick." Fuck I want her to be. She will be. She has to be.

Once she's finished talking to my parents who were clearly still shocked that I wanted to dance with Ana I lead her outside toward the balcony over the garden. I don't blame my parents for being shocked. Hell even I was a little surprised at myself but the thought of someone else dancing with her was just wrong and it made my blood boil. Usually I eat dinner donate money and leave or I don't show up at all but this year I am actually having fun. Ana makes me happy just being with her, her smart mouth. The first thing that she says to me after I spent a hundred thousand dollars on her is "I can't dance." How could i not want her? Seriously how do

I stop? She deserves better than me I am not a good man. Sure I have a good face and bank statement but what about my heart, or lack of. But I just can't help myself.

"Where are you taking me?" She asks in that perfect angel voice of hers.

"Just trust me." Please. She continues to follow me without saying anything and I take that as consent. We finally make it out to the balcony. It's nice out today, there is a clear sky full of stars and a full moon. Below us is my mother's beloved garden, filled with different plants and flowers. Being out here is a nice break from the room inside it's a bit crowded, I believe this is the largest gala ever for my mom.

"I thought you could use a break from inside. I hope you don't mind heights." I say softly. She has yet to say anything she just stared at the sky. She looks even more incredible out here in the soft glow of the moonlight. The balcony is large enough to comfortably fit at least 6 people but still intimate. Intimate. Intimate with Anastasia. I think I just found my new favorite sentence. We both take off our masks to let us breath and place them on the table in the corner.

"No it's good." She says a bit absently, lost in her own thoughts, in the sky she is still staring at. She looks at me finally and says "It's amazing. Thank you for bringing me." We stand there hand in hand for a few minutes in comfortable silence. She continues to look out and I can't take my eyes off of her.

"You're staring." She calls me out. I can't help but chuckle. I have to admit she's got balls. She looks directly at me. It takes everything in not to kiss her. I shouldn't i know but she is so beautiful and god I want her.

"Fuck this" I think I said that out loud but I don't have time to think about it because next thing I know I am kissing her. It's a soft kiss at first, gentle but it turns into something more. I bring my hand to the small of her back and the other under her chin keeping her head against mine. I slowly back her against the wall. She grants me access to her mouth and next thing I know we are making out like teenagers. She moans and god I lose it she is so fucking hot I need her.

"Mm wait stop. Christian stop. We ca.. I can't do this." She says softly but still somehow firm. Fuck what just happened? Well lets see one minute you were looking at her the next you were dominating her mouth against your parents wall.

"I know I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She looks really worried. Inside we both hear the MC announce that it's time for the first dance. She doesn't look at me but just begins to make her way in. She is playing with her hands again her tell all for when she's nervous. I take her hand in mine to stop her fidgeting. I don't want her to worry. Did she not want me to kiss her? She could have stopped me. Was the kiss bad? No. If there is one thing I'm sure of it's the fact that that kiss was the a damn good kiss. So why is she so upset? Before I have a chance to think about it further we are on the dance floor. Ana is standing awkwardly far from me looking at the floor deep in thought. Right when the song starts I pull her too me and begin to dance slowly.

A.P.O.V.

OH MY GOD. Oh my god. What was that? What just happened? It was incredible and perfect and romantic and hot and ohh but wrong. That can't happen. Why did he kiss me? Oh my god. Before I realize what is happening I feel Christian pulling me into him as the song start. I look up to him unsure of what to do. He looks into me eyes and reassures me immediately.

"Just follow my lead." He says softly in my ear. I just nod and do as he does. He moves gracefully to the song. It's a beautiful song whatever it is. One of his hands rests softly in the small of my back and the other holds my hand away from us. I continue to look at him and let him lead me. It feels like we are in our own little bubble everything else has disappeared, it's just me him and the music.

...

"Nothing prepared me for

What the privilege of being yours would do

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch

If I had only seen how you smile when you blush

Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

Well I would have known

What I was living for all along

What I've been living for"

He moves me without missing a beat gracefully across the dance floor. I can't take my eyes off his. All the emotion, the heartbreak, the confusion is poured out without a single word. He spins me away from himself only to bring me right back against his chest. Before I know it the song ends and there is aloud round of applause. When I look around I see almost everyone is looking at us. I immediately blush of course. I think this is what causes Christian to chuckle and pull me closer to him once again. The MC announces that we may now take of our masks which I do gladly.

"May I have this dance?" I hear a man say to me. When I look up at him recognize him as the man who was bidding against Christian before. I look at Christian who looks ready to commit a homicide. I shrug at him and go with the man.

"Of course" I say politely with a smile. Truthfully I need a timeout for Christian so I go off.He brings me against him and begins to dance.

"I'm Trent McNamara" He says with a smile. He is pretty attractive, strong features. He's not as tall or attractive as Christian but then again who is.

"Ana Steele" I say formally.

"I thought your name was Anastasia?"

"Oh right but I prefer Ana, it's just shorter." He smiles. He is nice enough. "Beautiful name for a beautiful woman." And here comes the blush. I just laugh and thank him.

"So do you and Christian know each other… outside of tonight I mean?" He ask.

"Oh I have known his family for a few years but i just met him a few days ago. What about you?"

"Yeah we have been in business a few times together."

"Oh so you're in business too?"

"Yeah. The ever so exciting world of mergers and acquisitions." He chuckles "What about you? Somehow I have a hard time believing you are an award winning novelist."

"Why do you say that?"

"Call it gut instinct it's sort of important in my line of work."

"Haha fair enough. You got me, i am not a writer. I am in college currently."

"That's what i thought" He chuckles once more. He's cute but i can't stop thinking about Christian is he dancing with someone? Has he forgotten me already? When Trent turns me I see Christian is dancing with Mia but is staring at me. I give him a small smile. And look back at Trent. Kate is dancing with Ethan now too. When the song ends Carrick quickly cuts into our dance after politely asking.

"I hope I'll see you again Ana." He gives me a kiss on my hand and takes his leave. I dance with Carrick and Grandpa Theo for a while, while Christian dances with his mom and Grandma, it's adorable to watch them have fun. Before Christian can get to me Ethan has already cut in.

"Didn't think I forgot about you did you Banana?" He says playfully.

"Oh I have to admit my ego did get a little bruised that you didn't bid on me. But Mia huh? You guys look adorable together." I say teasing him.

"Yeah I don't know. I like her. She's gorgeous obviously but her two giant brothers look like they are ready to pummel me into the ground."

"Imagine if some guy felt the way about Kate the way you do about Mia. Plus you are pretty giant yourself."

"Yeah i see your point and I think Elliot does feel that way about Kate so i get it." He says laughing a bit. When I see Christian over Ethan shoulder he looks ready to break Ethan in two so I decide for his sake to cut our dance short.

"Mia is alone. Go before someone else beats you too it." I say to him He leaves me after a quick kiss on the cheek. I see Christian make his way to me from the bar but Elliot cuts him off before he can reach me. Whoa he looks pissed.

"Did you think I'd let you leave without a dance?" Elliot says.

"No but careful i think your brother might kill you." I say laughing

"I know. I can take him. Don't worry about me sweetheart" I just smile at his playfulness.

"So you and Kate huh?" I say to him accusingly after a few seconds of silence. I need to know what's up with them. They look so cute together!

"So you and Christian huh?" He says back.

"I asked first" I say. I don't want to talk about me and Christian. I don't even know if I want there to be a me and Christian.

"Yes. I think. I don't know okay I really like her but she's a hard ass. She cuts right through the my shit. But I really like her Ana. Any chance you could talk me up?" He pleads.

"For you Elliot of course but know this, she is my best friend if you hurt her so help me god. Are we clear?" I say intimidatingly. I know Elliot would never hurt her but that doesn't change my protectiveness over her.

"Yes Sir. You know you can be scary when you want to be?"

"Yes I do."

"So Christian huh? I always thought that I would be the Grey brother you'd fall for." he says acting upset. I just laugh. And he actually gets a little upset.

"Okay it's not that funny." He says kinda petulantly.

"Yeah it is!" I say still laughing.

"Look all jokes aside this is the happiest I've ever seen Christian. He's acting his age and carefree for the first time in well ever." God I can't believe this happened. Of course it happened. The second that I can't be involved with anyone the world's most eligible bachelor wants to make out. Great.

"Hey you with me Steele?" Elliot says concerned.

"Yeah I'm good. Just tired I guess it's been a long week." I lie quickly.

"I hear ya. Look I'm gonna give you back to my brother before he decides he's had enough and hurts me. He's a good guy who's had a shitty hand of cards handed to him. Give him a chance." He says with a kind smile. I just nod. What shitty cards? He is literally perfect. Speaking of the Adonis…

"Finally I get you back I gave you away for one dance even that one without much say and suddenly you leave me for an hour." He says in one breath. Has it really been an hour? Wow.

"Well to be fair half of them were your family so…" I say giggling

"And? That doesn't mean I want you dance with them. I don't trust Grandpa Theo." And I laugh a loud unattractive laugh because grandpa Theo is the nicest man I have ever met. Christian is smiling broadly too as he leads me over to his table.

"You should smile more often. It's a very nice smile." I say mindlessly. Oh shit did I actually say that. He doesn't say anything for a few minutes just smiles more but this time there is a bit sadness behind it.

"Here drink this you seem tired and I haven't seen you drink water all night." He says while handing me a giant glass of cold water. Bless his soul I'm parched. I quickly drink it all and thank him. Before either of us could say anything we get pulled back into dancing. Mia drags me with her and her friends and Elliot takes Christian. I can't help but start dancing I love this song. We dance to Rihanna's "this is what you came for" for a few minutes and I finally get to dance with Kate. I feel Christian watching me while I move and I admit it did encourage me move my butt a bit more nothing inappropriate but still. After a few more songs I make my way to the powder room with Kate I'm sure I look like a sweaty mess by now.

God even the bathroom is fancier than my entire high school prom was. Kate and I quickly use the bathroom and when we step out there is a creepy lady in all black standing in front of the mirror. I almost let out a scream but thankfully hold it in. She has this full face mask on even though everyone already took theirs off. She is wearing a inappropriately fitting dress in my opinion but honestly she has a good body, too good to be true honestly.

"You must be Ana." She says. I immediately want to run and hide in a corner. Thankfully Kate happens to come out right now to and immediately stands in front of me protectively. Kate senses her as a threat too. Good I'm not crazy.

"Yes, I'm sorry do I know you?" I say cautiously. My scalp is prickling. Something about her is just not sitting well with me.

"Do you mind giving us a moment dear?" She says a bit too politely to be true to Kate.

"Uh yeah I do mind. I am not going anywhere." Kate says defensively. I can't help but smile oh how I love this girl.

"Very well." She says coldly and pauses before saying. "I just came here to warn you. Stay away from Christian. You have no business getting your gold digging paws in him. He is not interested in you nor will he ever be."

"Who the fuc.." I stop Kate before she goes on. I can fight my own battles.

"It is none of your **damn** business what I want from Christian or what he wants from me, if anything." I say in a cool voice. On the inside I have rolled into fetus position and started calling for my mommy. Ugh save the mommy issues for another time Steele. She just smiles at me it unnerving but I do not back down.

I keep my eyes locked in her cold blue ones until she simply says "Just watch yourself dear." And walk right back out the door.

"Who the fuck was that? I am about to go beat her old fake ass into the ground." Kate says almost yelling. Kate always has been a bit overprotective of me.

"I have no idea, it doesn't matter. Come on I am not wasting tonight thinking about her. Whoever she is." If I was honest I would say that she scared the pants of me but then Kate would worry and might actually assault her. We both freshen up and go back out forgetting about what just happened.

When we step out everyone is still dancing I see Christian standing off with Elliot. Kate immediately wants to go to them but I would rather stay away from Christian right now so I just say I am going to go find Grace. She hesitantly agrees, when she begins to make her way alone I can see the disappointment in Christian's eyes but he hides it well. Something tells me he has a lot of practice hiding his emotions. I am about to go find Grace when Trent comes up to me.

"Hey there." He says eagerly. Ugh I don't really want to talk to him right now. I have had more than enough testosterone today A.K.A. Christian. However I don't want to be rude so I smile and respond.

"Hey yourself." No really keep it to yourself.

"What is a pretty girl like yourself doing all alone." I can smell the whiskey on him even so far away. I want to leave. Get me out of here. Suddenly everything seems to crowded, too loud. Breathe Steele. Just when I feel like I am going to pass out I feel a familiar pair of arms around my waist. Christian. For some reason i immediately relax into him. For some unexplained reason he makes me feel safe and protected.

"Hey I was just coming to find you." I say lying straight through my teeth. Trent looks beyond pissed. Uh oh.

"Well I beat you too it." Christian says playfully. He knows that I am uncomfortable. Christian completely ignores Trent, weird Trent said that he and Christian did business.

"Christian it's good to see you again." Trent says finally giving in.

" ." Christian says coldly. Oh my damn! This feels like an uncomfortable pissing contest. I need to get out of this situation. Thankfully I make eye contact with Grace and send her an SOS with my eyes. Grace understands immediately and makes her over.

"Do you gentlemen mind if I borrow Ana?" Grace asks casually with her easy smile. Bless her soul. Christian still has his wrap around me but he loosens up which for some reason upsets me.

"Of course." Trent says with a tight lip forced smile.

"Yeah." Christian reluctantly lets me go. Grace wraps her arm in mine and begins to lead me out.

"What was that all about?" Grace asks worried. My face has always been an open book. I could never have any secrets because my feelings were always plain to see on my face.

"I.. I think it was a pissing contest." I say and suddenly I can't hold it in anymore I begin laughing uncontrollably. At first I am alone but then Grace starts to laugh too. Oh my god I am going crazy because the next thing I know there are tears coming out of my eyes. Grace has me in her arms before I even truly know what is happening.

"I know sweetie, I know." Grace says tearfully as I cry in her arms. It just hit me all of a sudden how unfair life is. I have the chance to be happy with a good man and another hot man is hitting on me and I have a best friend who may have just found the love of her life but I can't enjoy it because I am dying. I don't want to die.

"It's not fair. I don't want to die. No fair. No fair." I sob against Grace's chest.

"What?" oh my god. Christian. Fuck.

 **Sorry for another cliffhanger but i couldn't resist. Mwahaha! Also just wanted to let you know the song that Ana and Christian were dancing to was "Turning Page" by Sleeping at Last. It is an amazing song i highly recommend it and Sleeping at Last in general are SO GOOD. Anyways love you guys. Bye!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you all for your support. Everyone who reads and reviews honestly makes me so happy. Also, I know I said that I would make a Pinterest page for this story but I am not nearly enough technologically advanced for that so I'm sorry! Anyways love you guys I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter, be sure to let me know in the reviews! See you guys in the next update!**

C.P.O.V.

I have to go find Ana. I shouldn't have acted so rude in front of her. I could tell that she was uncomfortable. I just couldn't help myself Trent is a fucking dick, I screwed him over in business because I found out he was hiding money and not keeping good records and I have no patience for that bullshit. I get that he was mad but he had no right dragging Anastasia into it. I saw my mom and Ana coming outside towards the garden so I make my way there. I need to find Ana and apologize I shouldn't have put her in that position and we need to talk about what happened.

I find them sitting by the steps that lead into the garden. My mom has Ana in her arms, I think they are both crying. I am just about to ask them what's wrong when I hear Ana say "It's not fair. I don't want to die. No fair. No fair." What? What? Hospital. Oh my god she was in the hospital when I met her. No but she's fine. She's perfect, she has to be.

"What?" I ask. My voice sounds like it belongs to a stranger. Long gone is the control and confidence that once was, it's not replaced with anxiety and worry. They both immediately look up at me. They both obviously thought they were alone.

"Christian." My mom says in an attempt to calm me but how can I be calm when I just found out the only girl I have ever wanted, the brightness in my life is DYING for god sake. I still keep my eyes on Ana i want to hear it from her. I need to know what is happening. I can fix it. I will find a way to make her okay. I just need to know what's wrong. Before I can say anything i hear Ana's sweet voice.

"Grace I'm okay. Can you just give us a minute?" Mom looks at Ana for a second making sure she is okay before gently touching my arm before leaving us. Ana refuses to look up from the ground but I can't take it anymore I need to look at her, feel her. I go over and tip her head up to look into her eyes. In her eyes I see the tears she has shed, all the pain she feels. I want to take all of her pain away,

I just want to make her okay.

"Talk to me baby. Tell me what's wrong. It will be fine. I promise just tell me i will fix it." I say to her softly. My voice does nothing to hide my feelings, desperation, anxiety, anger, and so many more. However my words do nothing to calm her, in fact it does the opposite. She begins to cry again. Fuck.

"I.. uh… I can't" she says between sobs. I just hold her head against my chest. Wait. She's against my chest. Why doesn't it burn? How is she touching me? Fuck I need Flynn. I can't think about that right now. All I can think about it Ana. Why didn't she tell me? I could've helped her. That doesn't matter. I will help her now.

"Ana come on. Stop crying. I hate seeing you like this. Everything is gonna be okay. Just talk to me. Please." I say trying to make her better.

"No. Screw you everything won't be okay. You can't just say that." She says suddenly.

"Just tell me the. We can figure it out but I need to know. Ana you are making crazy please. "

"I have cancer. You can't help me or make it all go away no matter how much money you have. You can't fix me." She says crying again.

What? NO. My angel can't leave me. She has to be okay. She has to be okay. She has to be okay. No this is gonna be okay. She can beat this. I will get the best oncologist, she will beat this. I realize that it's been a few minutes that I haven't said anything. Ana turns around to leave but before she can i bring her to me and kiss her. We both need this. We need to just be with each other.

"Christian stop. Don't you understand what this means? I can't be with you. We can't…" Ana say after breaking of our kiss.

What why? No I'm not going to leave her. I am going to stay with her. We are going to get through this together. How can she even think that I would leave her?

"Why? That is ridiculous.I am not going anywhere. We are going to beat this Ana." I say quickly.

"No. Christian WE aren't." She says and goes inside. I stand there in shock. Why does she not want me? Deep down in my dark soul I know that it's because some part of her knows that she deserves better than me. I can't live without her. I need to find a way to convince her that.

I head back inside to go find Ana and tell her exactly that when I find none other that than Trent FUCKING McNamara standing too close to her. I start seeing red. Fuck this I have had enough of this dick trying to get her she is fucking mine. I immediately go over to them and kiss Ana. It's a long meaningful kiss to show every fucker who has been looking at her all night that SHE. IS. MINE.

"I am not going anywhere. Do you understand me?" I say to her with as much feeling as I can. I need her to let me be with her. I don't care if she's gonna be at the hospital for however long, I can stay there. Or even better I can have everything she needs from the hospital brought to Escala, she can live there, with me. I'll have Taylor find someone to get all the equipment. I will do anything just to be by her side. Anything.

Ana doesn't say anything back but just looks back into my eyes. In her eyes I see the pain that she feels, the hesitance to be with me, to just let me in. I see how unsure she is about everything but I know that she wants this too. She wants to be with me, to be happy and free. We can have that I just need to earn it. How I am going to do that? I have no idea. I have never been in a situation even remotely like this. All my life everyone has jumped at the opportunity to do whatever I wanted, girls would do anything to talk to me. Employees do anything because I give them a large paycheck to do so, and of course subs would do anything to please me in general. That is when it comes to Ana I am completely and totally lost. We can figure this all out though, I know we can. After a few seconds the MC tells the guest to make their way outside for the firework display. I have never actually stayed this long but from what I have heard they are usually pretty spectacular.

"Fireworks?" Ana asks in her sweet adorable perfect voice. Everything about her is so soothing and wholesome, she is incredible. Wait I think she said something. I quickly clear my throat and say yes and begin to make my way outside while of course holding her hand. I can't believe that something so common and mediocre feel so intimate and special. Of course it does anything that I do with her is automatically amazing.

When we finally get outside I find my whole family standing together. My mom and dad, Kate and Elliot, and ugh Mia and Ethan. Elliot and I have been staring him down all night yet he has yet to react, one point to Kavanagh. I make my way over there with Ana through the crowd of people.

"Hey! There you guys are." My mom says to Ana and I. The rest of the group quickly acknowledges us before the fireworks begin. We take our place next to Kate and Elliot who are standing almost on top of each other. Ana steps in front of me and I quickly wrap my arms around her and out my head on her shoulder. I snuggle my head into her hair, it smells so good like vanilla and lavender. For some strange reason the smell is so comforting to me, I feel completely at ease for the first time in my life. She brings her hand up and caresses my cheek while she looks away from the fireworks for a short second.

"Watch the fireworks." She playfully scolds me. I just smile at her. I don't understand how this one girl, one beautiful, tough, funny, charming, sick girl brings me so much joy. I continue to think about that while I watch the fireworks. Elliot was right they are pretty amazing. They are timed perfectly with the song that's playing from the speakers. I feel Ana's eyes on me during the fireworks, probably because I have the biggest goofiest smile on my face.

"You're staring." I say mimicking the way she said it to me on the balcony.

"Fuck this" She says softly. I can't help but laugh right before I kiss her. I hear Elliot clear his throat which brings me back to reality. Ana and I both look up at everyone who are looking at us like we just committed a homicide. I can't help but start laughing.

Ana on the other hand does not find it quite as funny. She just stands shyly in front of me while blushing, She looks at me, and I see that she looks kinda pissed. Wait, what did I do? No one says anything but I see Kate staring at Ana. The fireworks end after a big finale. The last fireworks spell out "THANK YOU" in bright colors.

"Ladies and Gentlemen before the night ends, thanks to all of your generosity we have a total of 1 million six hundred and seventy thousand dollars which will help families affected by drugs everyday. Once again thank you for all of your donations and thank you for making this night so special. We hope to see you again next year. Good night." The MC says I was in a family affected by drugs. Ana probably doesn't even know about my past. She can't know how fucked up I am. She would leave me, and she would be right to. Just like that I get caught up in the thoughts of my dark life and how much I don't deserve Ana. After a little while, I'm not even sure how long, Ana reaches up to my face gently.

"Hey. You okay?" The irony of the fact that she is the one who is sick yet she is worried about me is anything but lost on me. She is so selfless.

A.P.O.V.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask Christian. Ever since right after the fireworks he's been really quite . Maybe he's having second thought about I know this all too good to be true. I need to know what he is thinking. It's probably sometime around midnight so now would be an appropriate time for my fairy tale to end. He still has yet to say anything. Everyone else has made their way inside to leave yet we stand here looking at each other, not a word said.

"Listen, I umm. I should go. I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow." I quickly say while looking at the ground. I turn to leave but before I can ever take a step I feel Christian grab my arm and pull me back to him.

"Wait Ana. Please." I still haven't looked up at him. I'm too scared of seeing rejection or pity because I'm the sick girl who he has to hurt. He brings his hand under my chin to get me to look up. I'm surprised because I don't see pity or rejection. All I see is affection and fear, what is he afraid of?

"Look we have a lot to talk about. It's honestly going to be hard and I don't really know how any of this is going to work. But all I know is that in the very short time that I have known you I have not been able to stop thinking about. All I can think about is how much I want you to be with be and I want to know you and I just want to be with you. So please just let me." He says. I want to be with him but I can't. I can't burden him with my baggage only to die a couple of months later.

"Don't say no. Not yet. Just come back to my place. We can talk... and I can convince you to say yes" He says playfully with a half smirk at the end. How am I supposed to resist that? I can't.

"Okay." I say reluctantly with a smile. The night is only just beginning.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Note: Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone so long but I promise I am writing whenever I can. Also thank you for all of the positive feedback, it really keeps me going. Also I think that I am going to post new chapters once every week around Tuesday. Anyways i love you guys, enjoy the chapter!**

 **Chapter 10**

A.P.O.V.

After saying goodbye to everyone and promising Mia and Grace to come back soon Christian and I finally start to make our way out. Before we can leave I see Kate, crap I was hoping to avoid her inquisition. Before I can do anything Kate makes eye contact with me. Here we go.

"Hey, I'll be right back." I say quickly to Christian. He quickly nods and lets my hand go again. When he does it brings back the feeling. For some reason every time he lets me or my hand go I get this depressing, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it's because every time he lets go there is a big chance that he will never do it again. I have no time to ponder it further before Kate comes up to me.

"Uh hey Steele. Remember me? Your roommate who you came here with, ring any bells? Are you leaving?"

"Hey. I'm sorry. I know we haven't had a chance to talk all night. And yeah I'm actually just going to Christians place" I say but then I add "Just to talk!"

"Sure… I think Elliot wanted to take me home. I don't know we'll see. But what's the deal with Christian? How do you even know him? We have to have a loooong talk Steele." Kate says. Great.

"I look forward to it. Look, I should go but I'll text you with updates if necessary." I say back quickly. While I'm saying this I make eye contact with Christian who seems to be keeping a watchful eye on. What the heck? Kate just gives me a small smile and hugs me before I go.

"Hey, you. Ready to go?" I say to Christian right after I give him a quick peck on the cheek. He immediately smiles brightly and nods. He takes my hand and we make our way out.

When we finally make our way out through the crowd of people who are also getting ready to leave the brisk outside quickly hits us. I immediately wrap my arms around myself. For some reason I always get cold really easily, which is what is happening now. I guess Christian notices that I'm cold because he starts to take his jacket off.

"Here, wear this. I don't want you to get cold or sick.." He says. My inner bitch immediately takes the opportunity to remind me that I am already sick.

"No you don't have to do that. I'm fine." No, I'm not. Before I can even finish Christian has his jacket around my shoulders. Oh my god it smells just like him. Would he notice if I kept this? I quietly smile and say thank you. He just half smiles back, how is possible for him to look this attractive all the time?When we make it down the steps there is a sleek black four door car waiting. It's a really attractive car, and basically shouts mystery.

"This is us." Christian says right before he steps forward to open the front door for me. Of course he has such a hot car, hot guy, hot car, and I can't help but wonder how I fit in.

"Nice car. Thank you." I quietly say for to him for opening my door. I feel his hand on the small of my back guiding me into the car which sends tingles up my spine. He politely smiles, closes the door, and comes into the driver's seat. He looks into the rear-view mirror and nods. When I look behind us there is a black SUV with 2 men in the front seat. Who the hell is that?

"My security is going to be following us. Taylor, my CPO usually drives me but I wanted to drive tonight." Why the hell does he need security? How popular can he be?

"I own a big company and have made a lot of enemies over the years, so I keep security at all times. I would like you to have CPO too. Now that you've been seen with me it isn't really safe for you. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you that could have been avoided." Creepy he knew exactly what I was thinking. I don't need a bodyguard. Who the hell would want to hurt me? Anyway I doubt I'm going to be in his life much longer. Why would I?

Tomorrow we both go back to our own lives. He goes back to being an eligible bachelor CEO and I go back to plain old Ana Steele and start my cancer treatment. We cannot be together. It would never work, When my treatment starts I'm basically going to tied down to a hospital for the rest of my short existence. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that soon it will all be over but something is holding me back. The strange thing is this has only started since I literally ran into Christian a the coffee shop. I promised myself that I wouldn't get attached, I couldn't. However somehow he has managed to get under my skin. It doesn't really matter though whether or not he realizes it right now he will see that he doesn't want a life with me. It isn't fair to him he is young and healthy. He can live a good, fun life and some day meet a nice model get married and have kids with her. The thought hurts my heart but it's what right.

"You've gone quiet on me Ana. Tell me what's going through that pretty little head of yours." Christian says while we are stopped at a red light. He grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth to give me a gentle kiss all while looking straight in my eyes. I'm just smiling like an idiot. How the fuck am I supposed to not want him?

"Ana?... Ana?!" I realize he's saying my name.

"Huh? Yeah? Sorry what?" How long did I zone out for?

"We're here" He says chuckling. When I look around I see we are parked in an underground garage.

"Right sorry." I say embarrassed. I've just been staring him, oh my god. He must think I'm so weird.

"Don't move." He gives my hand one final kiss before he lets it go. There is that feeling again, the one that seems to come every time he lets me go. Before I even know it, Christian opens my door and holds his hand out to help me out of the car. The cool air hits me once again, I took off Christians jacket in the car because I was getting a little warm.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"My pleasure." We walk into an elevator and he presses some code into the keypad.

"I live in a penthouse so everyone needs a code to get in." He says once again answering my unsaid question. How the hell does he do that?

As soon as the elevator door closes the atmosphere becomes charged with a electricity and desire. I feel a strong almost magnetic pull towards Christian. All of my senses seem heightened, I smell his cologne stronger, I'm much more aware of how close we really are.

"Do you feel that too?" He asks in a low husky voice. He feels it too?

"Yeah." I barely whisper while nodding my head. The next thing I know Christian is standing in front of me. With ease he uses one hand to trap both of my arms above my head, and uses his other hand under my chin to bring my head so he is almost kissing me. Our lips are barely touching when Christian decides he has had enough of the teasing and kisses me roughly. He uses mouth to gain complete control over me. He starts to kiss me softly on my jaw and down my neck when the elevator dings to let us know we have reached our floor.

"Whoa" I say while letting out a huge breath that I was holding. What the hell was that? It was like something was actually pulling me to him, a force that was impossible to resist.

"Whoa" He says mirroring me as we step out of the elevator. When we are out I look around his penthouse. Everything is HUGE and very white. It looks like a very impressive museum, and less like a home.

"What I would give to find you're what you're thinking." Christian says playfully as he takes my hand into his. He pulls me closer into him.

"You've been brooding ever since we left, time to talk." Christian continues, for some reason he seems to dreading this as much as I am. Once we say what has to be said there is no turning back. There is a big part of me that never wants this night to end. This has been the perfect night, no cancer, no unwanted opinions (for the most part a.k.a the lady in black), I felt like Cinderella and Christian is my Prince Charming. This talk will bring all the ugly truths we all want to avoid into the light.

"I was just thinking your house is very...big and white." I start of slowly. I don't want to just dive into the deep end.

"Yeah I guess it does lack in color." He says thoughtfully. "Would you like something to drink?" Christian politely asks.

"A glass of wine, please." I'm gonna need alcohol to get me through this, plus I can't drink starting tomorrow because of the treatment so I might as well do it while I can.

"Any kind in specific?" He asks. I don't know my ass from my elbow when it comes to fancy wines.

"Whatever you're drinking is fine." I say, trying to come of as polite rather than clueless.

"Here you go." He brings me a glass with white wine. I thank him quietly.

"We can't avoid this anymore." He says sadly.

"I know." I wish we could.

"Look no matter what I want to be with you. I will take you however I can get you. Nothing you can say will change that." Me too but little does he know. Nobody would want me with all the baggage I have, and I can't exactly blame them.

"You say that now but it's worse than you could think." I say almost chuckling at his naivety.

"What if I said I have at least as much baggage as you, probably even more." He says looking at the floor. What is he so scared of telling me? What could this Adonis say that would make me want to leave him? It scares me how much it would take for me to truly want to leave him.

Apparently all this wine is making me bold because before I can stop myself I am reaching up on my tippy toes to kiss him. Even with my heels on he is significantly taller than me, even though I'm already 5'7. When I do manage to reach him, I slowly kiss him at first and thankfully he lets me. There was a part of me that was sacred that he would reject me, hell there still is. Next thing I know we are fully and unashamedly making out like horny teenagers. When we finally break our kiss and say the thing that will change everything.

"I have stage 3 cancer in the stomach, lymph nodes, and blood vessels." I say in one breath. Once I've said it I feel numb and also strangely free. He knows now, no going back. I have still yet to look up at him but I can feel him staring holes into me.

"So we can fight it. I will get the best oncologist, you don't even have to stay at the hospital we can get the equipment here you can beat this Ana." What? No. No I can't be with him. It's not like the movies. I won't just be okay. It's months of fighting your own body and trying to cheat death and all for what?

"No." I say looking up to him. He needs to know that I mean business. "I don't want to fight it. I am going to do one round of chemo and radiation for Kate and my dad. I already went through this when I was 13, I had cancer and I got parts of me cut out and I was miserable, my dad was miserable, we had no one. But things are different now he will be fine. So I am not going to fight it this time. That's why we can't be together Christian." I want to turn to leave but before I can Christian talks and I am frozen to my spot.

C.P.O.V.

She doesn't want to fight? What in the fuck does that even mean. She can't be fine with dying. SHE CAN'T DIE. I can't let her. If I tell her about myself chances are that she will leave but she needs to know what she means to me.

"I'm adopted. My birth mother was a crack whore. She sold herself to get high everyday. I don't know who my biological father is. There were men in and out of the house everyday. Her pimp was abusive to us both. He saw me as the reason that she wasn't making enough money and he was not afraid to show his rage. He hit me until i was black and blue and he would use me as an ashtray. I have scars all over my chest and back because of him." I pause for a breath. I cannot believe I am telling her this. She is not going to want me. But fuck what other choice do I have?

"Keep going." Ana quietly urges me to go on. She sounds like she is holding back tears but I can't look at her. I'm scared that I'll see rejection in her gorgeous eyes.

"The crack whore overdosed when I was four. I was alone with the body for days before the police found me and took me to the hospital. That's when I met Grace, I thought she was an angel at first so I trusted her. Her and Carrick adopted me a few days later but I never let them touch me. I didn't even talk for the first few years. I'm fucked up beyond belief Ana. I never let anyone touch me, I have haphephobia. The point of this whole sappy fucked up story time is that you saved me Ana. Since I've met you i feel myself becoming a better person because of you. I can't explain it. I am drawn to you on some deep level. I don't deserve you but i can't let you go. I can't lose you Ana." I say pouring every ounce of emotion out of my dark soul.

"Can we sit?" She asks softly. She doesn't want to leave? I thought that by now she would have ran for the hills. "But don't worry Grey there is still plenty more." I think to myself.

"Yeah. Of course." I signal for her to sit on the couch. The couch is much bigger than anything I would ever need. It's also very blank and white.

Now that I think about it Ana is right. This place is cold. You would barely even know that someone live here. I could change that for her. Or better yet she could change it for me. However this all depends on whether or not she decides to end it and leave me tonight.

"We both want to be with each other but both of think that we are going to leave each other." Ana thinks out loud. Her ability to cut through bullshit never fails to amaze me. She never fails to amaze me.

"Yeah. Pretty much." I can't stop myself from laughing even in this awful and painful situation.

"So let's take turns saying things that we think will make each other leave and by the end of the night we can decide who wants it to be over." She wants to turn our worst fears into games. Alright what more can I Iose?

"Let's do it."

"I can't have kids because I don't have a uterus." I never really thought about kids. Honestly I would be okay with anything as long as I have Ana.

"I'm practice BDSM with consenting women." I say in a rush. Fuck she's gonna leave me after this. After a few minutes Ana has yet to say anything so I decide to say "You can ask questions… or leave." Still nothing.

"How many women?"

"15 submissives. I've always been monogamous. Sharing has never been my strong suit." I say trying to lighten the mood but she doesn't laugh.

"Is that what you want? From me I mean." She seems worried.

"No. I want ...more . I can't explain it but you are definitely not just a contract to me. You mean so much more. I'm sorry I can't explain it better right now."

"Have you ever had any normal girlfriends?" She asks. The alcohol is definitely making her bolder. Good tip for later.

"No I guess not really." I say not really sure what to say next. I know I'll have to tell her about Elena but I'll save that for later.

"Okay" She says simply.

"Okay?" I asks. That can't be it. How can she want to be with me knowing that?

"Yes. Okay"

"I'm scared that I'm not what you really want. That you just don't want to make the sick girl sad."

"No. Ana I want you. All of you for as long as I can. You make me laugh and feel young and happy and free for the first time in my life. You make my life brighter." How can she not see how incredible she is?

"I'm gonna live in the hospital for months and die." That thought blows the breath out of me. But she needs to see that this isn't a death sentence. She can fight and live.

"You don't have to die Ana. You can fight. I would be there with you the whole time. I don't care if we are in a hospital I will be by your side. You're starting treatment tomorrow right? So fight not just for me or your dad or Kate but for yourself Ana." She needs to fight for her life but she is so strong I know that she can.

"Okay. You're right. But I won't subject you to that life Christian. Living in the hospital with a sick girl who can't give you kids or a normal life. I won't do that to you Christian" She says in desperation. How can she think so low of herself?

You aren't doing anything to me Ana. I am choosing to be with you. I am choosing to live my life with you. Please let me."

"Why? Why would you do this to yourself. You are amazing and healthy and eligible as FUCK. You could have some perfect model and live in a big house and have genetically perfect kids."

"Because I want you. It's as simple as that Ana. I want to spend my life with you. Besides all of that is just a face."

"It's one hell of a face." She never fails to make me smile. No genetically perfect model could do that. That is what I want her to see.

"I was introduced to BDSM when I was 15 by my mothers friend. And I am still in business with her. But that is all she runs a chain of salons that I am a silent owner of."

"WHAT? Christian"

"What? I'm coming clean. Ana it wasn't like that. I needed discipline. I was drinking and getting in fights." It wasn't like that.

"What the fuck do you mean? That is statutory rape. It isn't a question of morals it is literally a law. How do you not see how fucked up this is. Imagine a 15 year old me or Mia in that situation with an older man." She is obviously getting mad but it was not like that. I was not a victim. Was I? Why would Ana say it if it wasn't what was. Fuck this is not what i want to think about.

"Enough Ana." I say in my Dom voice. Wait no fuck this is wrong Ana is not a sub.

"Fine." Ana says quietly. Fuck I screwed up.

"I'm sorry. Ana I just…" I hear myself sigh defeatedly. "I'm not used to talking about this shit. An if I'm being truthfully honest I'm scared shitless that you're gonna decide that you don't need all my bullshit and leave. It's even worse because that would probably be the right thing for you to do." God I sound like a pussy but I don't want to play guessing games. She hasn't said anything, I can see her pulling away, going into her own thoughts. No I can't let her disappear right in front of me.

"Let's take a break. How about instead of things we think will make each other leave let's just say random facts about ourselves?" I say in an attempt to bring her back to me. Thankfully she looks up and i see the light in her eyes once again. Thank god.

"Yeah okay." She says. She shifts her position so she is facing me.

"Okay I guess I'll start." I look around the room for inspiration. After a few seconds I say "I play the piano."

"Can you play me something?" She asks softly. Baby, I would do anything for you.

"Of course. Any requests?" I asks as I get up and head over to my piano. I offer my hand to help her up off the couch. I can't imagine it's particularly easy in that dress. She takes my hand. Her hand is so soft and small but it feels like it was made to fit in mine.

"Play anything." She says. Most of the music I play is when I can't sleep after a nightmare but I want to play something different for her. It was a piece that I played with my teacher all the time. She sits next to me and places her head gently on my shoulder.

I begin slowly, note after note until the song ends. While the song was playing it was like we were in our own bubble. No cancers, no crack whore mothers or pimp. It was just us two in our own world, it felt right.

"That was beautiful." She says in awe. I feel pride blooming in my chest for some strange reason. I know I'm a good piano players but hearing her say it makes me happy in a way that I have never felt before. I look over at her and see that she was staring at me.

"You're staring." I say quietly.

"Well now so are you." She says defiantly. She never fails to make me laugh. She looks so beautiful, her hair is starting to fall in lazy gorgeous curls, her eyes are sparkling in the dimmed lighting. She is perfect, even with all of her flaws. I need to feel her, to have her. Before either of us can stop it we are kissing again. We are both just all mouth and tongues. I pick her up and put her on the piano without breaking our contact.

"Wait Christian stop." She says breathlessly. "I owe you a fact about me now." She says cautiously I don't give a flying fuck about the game right now but if there is something she wants to tell me I'm all ears. "I'm a virgin." Wait, what? WHAT.


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors Note: Hey guys I'm back with a chapter (late again sorry!). This chapter is ermmmm...mature. This is my first time writing anything like this so let me know if I should even continue with this kind of stuff. This was sort of a rush so forgive any typos and grammar mistakes. Also I just quickly wanted to mention that I am fully aware that Ana's eyes are blue not brown but it is unrealistic most people don't have amazing blue eyes and there is nothing wrong with brown eyes. I love my brown eyes. Also blue eye represent innocence which Ana has lost due to her cancer and her mom leaving. Anyways thanks for all of your support. I love you see you later!**

A.P.O.V.

"I'm a virgin." I say. He should probably know right? Oh god he's gonna think I'm a freak.

"Well you are." My inner bitch chimes in. Ugh bitch. Christian has yet to say anything, not a great sign.

"How?" He says after a few minutes of awkward silence. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"I don't know? I guess I just never found the right guy or the right time. I was always occupied with school or books and I never really did it I guess." I say awkwardly stumbling on my words.

"Never a boyfriend or just a nice guy?" He says still in shock. Wait you know what screw this. So I haven't had sex.

"Yes and it just never happened and I'm not going to be ashamed of it." I say getting mad mostly at myself but he doesn't know that.

"No Ana that isn't what I meant. I mean I'm surprised but only because you.." He sighs. "You're amazing and beautiful and funny and by all means perfect." I snort unattractively at that. I'm far far far far from perfect but he thinks I'm beautiful. He tilts my head up to get me to look at him.

"Listen, you shouldn't be ashamed of it. We don't have to do anything. You are enough for me. I told you I will take you anyway I can get you." He says. He is so sweet and caring but I want him. I want to have sex with him. I've never really wanted to wait for marrige or anything like that. I want to do this. I reach up and kiss him boldly. He kiss me back with the same passion.

"I want this. I want you." I whisper trying to catch my breath after our kiss.

"Are you sure, Ana?" I've never been more sure of anything. I feverishly nod. He kisses me again. This time he trails kisses down my jaw and neck. I can't help but moan, it feels so good.

"Fuck. I want you so bad Ana." He moans. Holy fuck he is so hot."I want you in my bedroom." I just nod, words seem out of reach right now. Before I know it he is carrying me into the bedroom. My legs are wrapped his waist, I feel I bulge in his pants while we are kissing. I can't help myself from grinding against it. He apparently likes that because he lets out a groan from his throat.

When we get into his bedroom I feel his place me down on his bed. He reaches around for my zip and I start unbuttoning his shirt.

"Stand up" He commands. Holy fuck that was so hot. When I stand up my dress falls down in a pool around my feet. He quickly rips of my shirt and lays me down on the bed. His body is unreal, his biceps are super built and god I want to lick those abs.

"God you're so perfect." I silently thank Kate for making me wear cute lacy lingerie and not granny panties.

"Christiannn" I moan. I don't know what exactly I am asking for but I need so bad.

"I know, I know baby." Christian groans. Wait does he know what I'm asking for?

He is trailing kisses down my breasts and my stomach. He skips over my throbbing sex and trails kisses down my right leg down to my toes and repeats it down the other leg. Fuck he is driving me crazy on purpose. Fuck this it's time to reciprocate.

"My turn" I try to say in my sexy inner goddess voice. He looks shocked by what I've said. Despite his surprise he still lets me turn him on his back. I get on top him where I can grind myself on the bulge trapped in his pants. I flip my fair over to one side and start kissing his neck.

"Wait Ana." I stop immediately. Did he not like that? Fuck I don't really know what I'm doing did I fuck up? "I don't let anybody touch my chest or my back. But when you do it, it's not so bad. I want you to touch me but just.."

"I'll be gentle." I say quickly finishing the sentence for him. He kisses me again with feverish passion.

"I need you Ana." He says softly.

"I need you too." I say back mirroring the need in his voice. I unclip my bra with grace thankfully. He immediately flips me over.

"Enough." He is clearly back in charge and no part of me is complaining. Him in charge is actually hot as fuck. He takes my breast in his mouth, at first he avoids my nipple which has grown hard seeking attention that his mouth is denying. When he finally comes close to my nipple I am ready to combust. Without warning he bites down on my nipple and yanks it with his mouth.

"Arhg fuckk." I let out a screaming moan. When I open my eyes again I see his head over mine. I also realize that he has gotten rid of his pants and boxers. Whoa his..thing is HUGE. That's supposed to fit inside me? Is it even normal for it to be that big?

"It will fit. We will take it slow. Or we can stop if you want to. Are you sure Ana?" He asks. He is so sweet. I want him. I am sure of it.

"I've never been more sure. God I need you Christian please." I can't help but whine at the end.

"Okay." He starts to kiss me again and I get lost in him all over again. He makes me feel sexy and beautiful and horny as fuck and happy. I want him. I need him I feel him rub the tip of his cock on my clit which is driving me insane, fuck that feels so good. He starts to stick it inside, it is definitely uncomfortable but not unbearable. When he sticks it all the way in, he stays still to let me get used to the sensation. I feel so full in all of the best ways.

"Are you okay? Fuck you're so tight baby." He asks worriedly.

"Yeah I'm good. Can you move now? " I ask. He begins a slow torturous rhythm, in and out over and over. I feel a sensation building in the pit of my stomach, Christian reaches down and starts to rub my clit.

"Let go Ana. Come for me." Fuck I can't help but moan at his words. He is so hot and domineering. Fuck I'm gonna come.

"Oh god Christian I'm gonna.. Oh go don't stop please please… Fuck yes" I scream while I ride out my orgasm. He starts going faster which prolongs my orgasm and I feel him come inside of me. I feel his hot seed inside of me. He falls beside me. Neither of us say anything, the silence is interrupted by our heavy breathing.

Oh my god. What did we just do? Holy fuck I just had sex. I just lost my virginity to this incredible hot as fuck perfect specimen of a man. Oh. My. God.

"Hey stop that. Don't go quiet on me. Let me inside of your head Ana. Let me in." He says. What is he so worried about? Oh yeah that I'm gonna leave.

"I just…" I can't help but start laughing. When I get it together after a few minutes I look over at him. He is staring at me like I'm crazy, hell maybe I am. He is gloriously naked and sporting crazy messy adorable just fucked hair.

"I can't believe we did that." I say trying to explain. I don't know how to talk to him. I'm so used to just keeping all my thoughts and feelings in my own head this is definitely going to need some getting used to.

"In a good way or bad way?" He asks unsure of what I mean.

"Good? I guess?"I start laughing again "I don't really know." I say while laughing. Thankfully this time he laughs with me.

"I think you are so tired you are going delusional" He says while he caringly strokes my face and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. God I'm sure I look like an absolute mess. "Spend the night with me?" He asks softly. I can't help but smile he is so damned cute.

"It would be my honor." I say playfully. "I should go get cleaned up and wash my face. Where is the bathroom?" He gets up and opens the door to the bathroom for me, still naked in all of his glory. I can't help but blush at his unashamed attitude.

"You just gave me your virginity and begged me to make you come on my cock. How are you blushing at me standing up naked?" He says obviously entertained by my embarrassment. His words only make me blush even harder which causes him to start chuckling. On my way into the bathroom I make a move to smack him on his arm but he captures my wrist. He pulls me into him and kisses me again. God my lips are probably going to be sore at this rate. After a few minutes of kissing I realize I really need to pee.

"Okay enough. Get out." I say quickly. "Please" I add sweetly.

"What? You can't kick a man out of his own bathroom." He says playfully. I want to laugh but if I do I might just pee which is unacceptable.

"Christian. Babe. You're hilarious but my bladder is going to explode so get out." I say quickly blushing once again

"Ana. Baby. You can pee in front of me. Do you realize what we just did on that bed?" He finds this so funny it's aggravating.

"Out. Now." I say. He needs to leave oh my god, I begin to push him out. He starts full blown laughing but thankfully leaves the bathroom. I quickly close and lock the door and pee. Thank god I thought that my bladder was actually going to explode. When I wash my hands and look in the mirror I realize that I don't actually look THAT bad. Long gone is my elegant updo, it is now replaced by messy just fucked curls. My makeup is thankfully still intact other than my lipstick of course which has been thoroughly kissed off, thank you setting spray! But how am I going to get this off?

I go to open the bathroom door and stick my head out to ask "You don't have makeup remover by any chance do you?"

"Uh that would be a no." He says chuckling. "I can have Taylor go get some if you need?" He asks.

"No no that's okay. Uhhhh how about coconut oil?" I ask. Coconut oil is actually really good for taking off makeup and super gentle.

"Uh I'm sure I do in the kitchen. We can go check?" He offers.

"Uhh… Can I have some clothes?" I ask embarrassed.

"I would prefer that you didn't hide your perfect body from me but if you insists." He says playfully. He pulls out what looks like his sweatshirt and and sweatpants. He brings them over to me and pushes the door open.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed of Ana." He says slowly. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable just lounging around naked even if it is with him.

"Noted. Now do you mind if I hop in for a quick shower?" I need to wash myself I feel gross and honestly it's just a nightly ritual at this point.

"Only if I can join you." He says playfully.

"If you find me some coconut oil you can come shower with me deal?"

"You're on." He says and takes his leave. I manage to tie my hair up and jump into the shower. Ugh the hot water is doing wonders to make me feel good. I don't even notice Christian come in which is why I scream when I feel arms wrap around my waist.

"Oh my god. Christian you scared the crap out of me." He laughs once again. God he has such a wonderful hearty laugh.

"Sorry but I have your oil." He says handing me a jar of coconut oil.

"Thank you! You are a lifesaver!"

"My pleasure." He kisses me and we get lost in each other all over again. The heavy make out session leads to steamy shower sex. God I am gonna be sore as fuck tomorrow.

When we finally make it out of the shower I take my makeup of and wash my face all under the heavy stare of Christian. He seems fascinated by every move I'm making.

"You're staring." I say playfully. I think that this small phrase is "our" thing.

"You're beautiful." He says with complete seriousness. Instead of replying I just go up to him and kiss him once more.

"Bed? I'm exhausted." I say. I feel extremely tired, today has been a long eventful day. Tomorrow is probably going to be rough, the treatment starts and maybe more. I want to fight. Something in me has shifted. I want to beat this for myself for the first time. I don't even know if it's possible, I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

"Hey, you okay?" Christian brings me out of my head. Am I okay?

"Yeah. I was just thinking about tomorrow. My appointment is at 11 so I'm gonna get up at 9:45 so I have enough time to go back to my place and change." I need to set an alarm. Where in the fuck is my phone?

"Personally I don't even think you need to go back to your place this is a really good look for you." God I love playful Christian. Uh what. Like! I like playful Christian. "I'll probably be up before then but I'll set an alarm on my phone." He says thoughtfully.

"Okay thank you!" As we were talking we both got in the bed, under the covers. I feel strangely comfortable in this bed even though I have never even been here before. I turn on my side and Christian comes behind me and spoons me. His head is in my neck, his hand is round my waist holding me to him, everything feels perfect.

"Go to sleep, baby" He kisses me softly on the neck. This is perfect, and with that though I drift off to peaceful sleep.

I wake up the next morning feeling really hot, what the hell? That is when I hear Christian groan at my movement or rather my attempt to move. Christian I wrapped tightly around my body. His leg is over both of my mine. One of his arms is holding my waist tightly and the other rests by my head. His face in right over my heart tilted upwards so I can see the contentment on his beautiful face. I wish I didn't have to move but the alarm on his phone is going bezerk. I give him one final kiss on his adorable unruly hair before I make a move to grab his phone and shut that thing up.

"Mmmm.. What the hell?" He groans huskily. Oh my god he is so cute in the morning.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." I say gently. He looks up at me me grumpily. So not a morning person, got it. After a few seconds he smile brightly at me and makes a move to kiss me. I quickly duck out of the way. He looks angry, crap.

"Morning breath" I say trying to explain myself. His expression change back to ease

"I don't give a fuck." He says pronouncing every syllable carefully. When he is finished he kisses me deeply. A girl could seriously get used to this.


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors note: Hey guys! Sorry I'm late "again whoops" but I swear I am trying as hard as I can to get these chapters done since school starts again soon (Kill me.) Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter it's some fluff before the appointment and everything gets dark and sad. I love you guys! Leave me some reviews to make me right faster! Have fun reading. Love you guys see you soon! P.S. please forgive any errors I was in a rush to get this up.**

Chapter 12

C.P.O.V.

I wake up because I feel something moving me. What the fuck is going on?

"What the hell?" I think out loud trying to figure out what the fuck out is going on.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." I hear a voice. Ana. I immediately feel a smile on my face when I remember last night. She's still here holy shit she didn't run. I make a move to kiss her adorable lips but she ducks out of the way. What the fuck?

"Morning breath." She says quickly.

"I don't give a fuck." I am going to kiss her no matter what. I kiss her deeply just to show her that I don't give a single fuck about her breath or anything other than how much I want her. God even after last night I still want her so bad. My dick is already rock hard. Fuck i shouldn't she is probably already sore from last night.

"How do you feel?" I ask her after our impromptu morning makeout session. Both of us are smiling like loonatics.

"I feel...fine." She says after taking a minute to examine how she feels. Well that doesn't tell me much.

"Are you sore?" I try again. She needs to learn to open up. Well we both do but we can work on it.

"Not unbearably." She must sense my worry because she adds "I'm sore but in the good way."

After says this she makes a move to get on top of me and straddle me. She kisses my face gently and after a few seconds kiss me on my lips.

God she's so fucking attractive even in my baggy sweatshirt. After a few minutes she moves back and tries to move of the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" I don't want her to go. I can't let her see how attached I have already gotten so I say it playfully.

"To the bathroom and then my house and the doctors." She says looking anywhere but at me. She is currently playing with the strings on my sweatshirt. I tilt her head up to get her to look at me. Her eyes tell me more than her mouth ever does. She's gotten good at hiding her feelings but I can still see the fear in her eyes.

"It's going to be okay." I say trying to reassure her.

"You can't say that. You don't know that." She's right I don't but she has to be. I have already had my shitty life now it's time for the good, for her.

"You're right. I don't but I can have hope. And I do know that I am going to be with you through this whole thing no matter what. I have already done that sad and dark life I don't want to go back." How do I make this okay?

"That's what I am. The cancer is dark and sad. It's not like in the movies. There isn't always a happy ending."

"You are not just cancer. You are so much more. You bring light into my life. You make me happy for the first time. You make me see life in a positive light. I have never felt like this. I can't lose you." Fuck this. I don't want to hide how I feel. She needs to know what she means to me.

"Okay." She says simply. She cracks a gorgeous reassuring smile. "I still need to get up or I am going to be late." No she can stay longer.

"No you won't I had Taylor pick some clothes for you. We can just go from here." I say to her. This way she doesn't have to go back. I want her to stay here in our little bubble for as long as possible

.

"You didn't have to do that." She looks kind of upset. Shouldn't she be happy. I brought her clothes so what?

"I know but I wanted to." I tilt her head up again to get her to look at me. I kiss her again. What kind of magic does she weave? I can't stay away from her.

"You don't have to goto the doctors with me. I mean if you have something to do or anything." She is possible more self deprecating than I am. I didn't even know that was possible. The worst part is she could be thinking all these awful things about herself but still smile like she's okay.

"I said I was going to be there through everything. I wasn't just saying that lightly." I will keep reassuring until my last breath if I have to. She has to realize how incredible she is.

"Okay well I still have to get and get ready." Why can't we just stay like this forever. When we live this room everything becomes real. The cancer, the press, the enemies, the money us against the world. I just hope we are strong enough to make it. But I know I won't be able to on without her anymore. We can do this. I hope. While I am thinking I notice that she is looking at my face, studying me.

"You're staring." I say playfully. This little phrase has become "our" thing. God what am I becoming. I used to be a hard ass CEO that caused fear just by my name and now… all I can think about I show to make this beautiful smile for me. She laughs at the phrase and it's like the angels are singing.

"God Ana what kind of magic are you weaving?" Our foreheads are against each others. We are back in our perfect little bubble. Nothing else matter, just me and Ana.She takes advantage of this moment and jumps out of bed before I can stop her.

"Hey!" I call out but she has already made her way into my bathroom and is closing the door on me. I see her face just before she closes it, she looks happy. I wish that she could stay like that forever.

I sit on the edge of my bed for a minute thinking about everything. Ana has managed to become my everything in less than a week. Last night she gave me herself and I swear to never take that lightly. Part of me wishes that I had waited for her. I wish I hadn't fucked Elena when I was 15 and was normal. So I could give her the normal non-fucked up life that she deserves. But I can't. One day she will probably see that I can't be what she needs but until that day I will cherish her and spent every moment possible just being with her.

After what I think is a few minutes the hear the sink turn on. Enough of this. I try to open the door but the little vixen has looked me out of my own damn bathroom. I can't help but laugh at myself. I am standing naked with a semi-hard on in front of my own locked bathroom. Before I can do anything the door opens and Ana is standing in front of me looking at me like I am crazy.

"What are you laughing about?" She tries to say but it comes out kind of jumbled because she is brushing her teeth… with my toothbrush.

"What do you think you're doing?" I question back playfully.

"Brushing my teeth." She says after she spits.

"With what?" I continue to tease her while I walk over to the toilet.

She clears her throat before saying "A toothbrush." she starts to laugh. There is that beautiful sound right out of her smart mouth.

I start peeing when she clears her throat and says "Now what do you think _you're_ doing?" I notice a faint blush on her face.

"Uh peeing?" I don't understand her shyness with peeing in front of each other. Surely if we can fuck each other senseless we can empty our bladders in front of each other.

"Whatever… Where are the clothes?" she asks giggling.

"Chair in front of the window." I say as I finish up and move to the sink. As I begin to brush my teeth I can't help but smile, it faintly tastes like her mixed with toothpaste. She walks in the bathroom with those gorgeous long legs of hers.

"You're security bought me underwear." Her face is bright red. God she is so cute. "And he actually did pretty good with the shopping either he's gay or he buys womens clothes for you often." Ahhh that's why she's upset, she thinks I do this often.

"You're jealous?" I ask playing with her. At this her head shoots up whoa, she's hot when she's mad.

"No.. I ugh.. I'm not…" She is a stuttering adorable mess.

"Well you have nothing to jealous is all very new to me." I say honestly. This calms her down a little bit but her face is still red and I can't help she is just too cute.

"Are you laughing at me?" She says angrily.

" No no absolutely not." I say while laughing. She takes of my sweatshirt and reveals her gorgeous body. I am definitely not laughing anymore.

I make a move to go over to her but she quickly stops me by saying "No no you stay over there and keep laughing." This is my punishment. Damn she can be cruel. I can't help but stare as she bends over to pick up her new lacy underwear. She slowly slips into the underwear. Holy fuck this is torture. I feel my dick getting harder and harder while I watch her clip her matching light pink bra. Okay never make her mad again, she is cruel. I almost lose my shit when she bends over in those lacy pink panties She slips on tight black leggings and and finally a short sleeved tight shirt. Jesus even in these simple clothes she looks breathtakingly stunning.

"Did you enjoy the show?" She asks snapping me out of my Ana induced daze.

"I would have enjoyed it more if I was able to touch you." I say grumpy because she won't let me touch her.

"But then you wouldn't have learned your lesson." She mildly scolds me. Yeah I learned my lesson alright.

"Whatever" I mutter petulantly as I walk into my closet to get dressed. I hear her laugh outside which makes me smile. I walk out wearing my Calvin Klein boxers with my jeans and a shirt in hand. I see Ana staring as I put on my jeans.

"You're staring." She just laughs as I finish dressing in jeans and a plain black V-neck. After we are both done we make our way out and Ana goes to get her purse and phone.

"Holy shit." I hear her say as she walks back towards me.

"What's wrong?" I immediately want to panic because so could go wrong. I am sitting on the chair for the breakfast counter. She walks into me and I get comforted by her calming scent right away. I fit my head into her neck and wrap my arms around her waist. I just want to be as close as possible to her. She leans onto my knee so she is almost sitting on my lap. When we are comfortable she shows me her phone which is blown up by texts and calls by someone.

"Who the fuck blew up your phone?" Is this some overly concerned guy friend. I will be more than glad to show the dick his place. Can I even do that? We haven't really discussed what we are. Shit what if this is is for her.

"That would be my overly concerned best friend Kate." After a seconds she adds. "Shit and my dad. Fuck she must've called my dad. Ugh." i am about to scold her for her language when she starts to call her dad. She leans her head on my shoulder and all my thoughts about her language and pretty much anything disappear. She does the most incredible things and makes me so happy without even trying. I love the fact that she is so at ease with me... Like. I like the fact that she is so at ease with me. Shit.

After a minute someone answers the phone and I hear a man presumably her dad yell

"Anastasia Rose Steele where have you been?!" Holy shit. This man is intimidating. However Ana doesn't seem bothered by it because she continues to talk like normal.

"Sorry dad I forgot to call you after. I got kind of busy." I look up to see that she has an adorable blush on her face. I decide to tease her by giving her small light kisses starting on her jaw and working my way down her neck. Before I can get to her collar bones she gets up to control her laughter and walks toward the balcony.

"Yeah I know but I'm fine. I'm sorry you got worried, I'll call her back right now." After a minute she continues "No I can't today. I uh.. I have.. I'm going to the doctors, for my treatment." Why is she so worried about telling her dad. Shouldn't this be a positive experience.

"Look please just don't get your hopes up to high this is just to figure out what we can even do." She is so pessimistic about the outcome, I thought I was the most pessimistic person I knew.

"No no don't you don't have to do that. Seriously dad you don't need to…" She gets cut off before she can finish.

"Okay. Okay yeah I love you too. I'll see you soon." she hangs up. She looks upset when she turns around. Without saying a word she just comes back toward me and I immediately get up and open my arms for her. She comes and wraps her hand around my neck while reaching up. We are at a perfect height for each other because normally her head is right over my heart but she can reach up and put it on my shoulders if she needs to. We were made for eachother.

After just a minute I am about to ask her what's wrong but before I can she says she is going to call Kate.

"Wait" I call after her she turns around. "What do you want for breakfast?" We both need to eat especially after last night.

"I'm not hungry. Thanks." She turns back around but I stop her again and say

"You have to eat something." She has to eat how can she not be hungry. God the thought of her being hungry or in pain is unbearable.

"I've never really been a breakfast person." She says like it's no big dead and walks away. I don't care what she says she has to eat. The problem is I don't really know how to cook. I open the fridge to find something even I can't even screw up. I find greek yogurt and put in some toast. I pour orange juice for both of us. I find blueberries and strawberries for the yogurt. Would it be too cheesy if I put them in the shape of a heart in hers. Fuck it. I'm gonna do it. I feel like such an idiot but she deserves all the stupid cheesy romance in the world.

I am cutting the last strawberry for her bowl when I look up at her. She looks happier and more at ease now, beautiful as ever. I keep slicing without looking and I feel the knife cut my finger.

"SON OF A BITCH." I scream fuck that hurts. Ana's smile disappears and she runs over to look at my finger.

"What?! What happened?" She is worried. She cares about me. She immediately begins to examine my finger with care.

"Nothing. Sorry. I'm fine. I was just cutting strawberries and I wasn't paying attention." I say trying to calm her.

"You should be more careful. Where is your first aid kit?"

"It's in my bathroom cabinet. I'll go grab it."

I am about to push past her and go but she quickly stops me and says "No you sit and keep pressure on it." She pushes me to sit. I like her taking care of me. I have never let anyone ever really care for me before. As soon as she goes to leave she screams. I quickly turn around to find an armed sawyer walking in my living room with his gun ready to fire.

"What the fuck?!" Sawyer looks panicked at Ana's screaming. This man can take 300 pound men and war but he is intimidated by this 5'7 little tigress.

"Sawyer everything is fine. I just cut my finger so I screamed." I hold my hand up to show him. What a fuck up.

"Right of course. My apologies Sir." Sawyer quickly nods at Ana who still looks shocked and takes his leave. I look over at Ana, her eyes and mouth and wide open. She is so cute. She is looking to me for an explanation. I just shrug my shoulders and say "Security has a section of the apartment." I don't think that she understands how much we really need security.She just shakes her and goes to get the first aid kit. Fuck this is gonna be a hard adjustment for her. We can make it through though right?

Before I can think any further Ana comes back with the first aid kit. My finger is fine it's barely even bleeding anymore.

"It's fine. I don't need that. Let's just eat." I try to convince her but she is having none of is.

"Still. It's still pretty deep. Let me just clean it up and then we can eat and leave." She is in a considerably worse mood after the Sawyer incident. The gun popped our blissful little bubble. I just nod my head and sit back down at the breakfast counter. She takes her time to use a cotton swab to gently clean it. She is so focused it's adorable.

"This disinfectant is gonna sting a bit." She says. I just nod. I think I can take a first aid kit spray. At least that's what I thought until she actually sprayed. The damned thing burns so bad. I immediately pull back my finger. She looks up with a faint smile and just takes my hand my hand back. She quietly says "Told ya." What am I going to with her smart mouth. Well actually I have some ideas. That thought goes straight to my dick and wakes it right up. While I am caught up in my dirty thoughts I realize that she has finished wrapping a band-aid around it. Before she puts my finger down she gives it a little kiss.

"All better." She says gently. I can't help but break into a goofy ass smile. She is just so cute. She makes me so happy.

"Thank you." I say just before grabbing her and kiss her. I grab her waist and bring her right up to me. Before things get too serious she pulls back.

"Whoa…" She says taking a deep breath.

"Come on let's eat." I say at which she just giggles. She climbs on to the seat next to me. I watch her as she looks at the bowl I was working on before I cut my hand. I managed to get all the blueberries in the shape of a heart and most of the strawberries as an outline.

"This is so cute. Thank you." She says smiling and almost laughing. Making her happy makes a feeling of pride bloom in my chest like all the darkness is disappearing. She leans over and gives me a quick kiss before digging into her bowl.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence while eating she looks over and hesitantly says "Christian you really don't have to come to the doctors. Now Ray is coming and Kate might even stop by and it's just…" she trails off. Does she not want me to meet them? Is she embarrassed of me? Or is this not serious to her.

"I want you to come but it's just all a little quick, no?" Well it is quick but I want to be there.

"So it's settled. You want me there. I want to be there. So I will be there." I say definitively.

"But what are we gonna say to them. 'Hey dad thanks for coming by the way this is the guy I just lost my virginity to. We told each other about our fucked up lives and fucked each other into tomorrow." I can't help but break into laughter.

"I'm serious." she says even though she is laughing too. "You should bring running shoes because he will try to kill you."

"Well we can take care of that right now." Okay here goes nothing. "Anastasia Rose Steele will you be my girlfriend?" I say formally. I really love using her full name. The way it rolls of the tounge.

She looks shocked by what I've just said. I can already the the wheels in her head turning. I know she is thinking of all the reasons why this is a bad idea and why it won't work. Hell she's probably right but we have to try. I don't know if I could live without her anymore and I sure as shit don't want to try.

"Don't overthink this Ana." I say gently urge her. I know that she wants this too. I can feel it.

"Okay." She says quietly.

"Okay." I say back while smiling. Girlfriend. Ana is my girlfriend. I am her boyfriend. We are dating. Something about that makes me feel like a giddy prepubescent kid. She is mine. And I am hers.

After a few minutes I am waiting for Ana to finish her yogurt which she does. After she is done she says "Oh my god. I am so full." and lets out a cute little groan. I am just happy that she finished her breakfast.

"Good girl." I say as I get up to put the dishes into the sink. While I grab her bowl I give her a small kiss on her forehead. It's such a small gesture but it feels so intimate. I see her smile before I turn into the kitchen which automatically makes me smile.

"Okay ready to go." I say when I'm finished.

"Yup let me just grab my purse and we can go. Oh and do you mind if I grab my dress and put it in your car. I'll just take it home afterwards." Shit she is gonna leave. Can't she just stay here? It's probably too soon but I don't want to sleep without her. She kept my nightmares away. Last night was the best I have slept in… well ever. Ugh fuck but it's too soon to ask to her to just live here. Right?

"Uh I can just have someone drop it off at your house. It's not a problem." I say. I don't want her to worry about a dress.

"Oh.. uh okay? Thanks I guess. Let's go then." She will get used to having people around to help her. I hope. She gets her purse and we make our way towards the elevator. Once we step in the elevator the electricity returns in the air. I feel uncontrollably drawn to her. I pin her against the wall and kiss the breath out of her until the bell rings signaling we are on our floor.

"What is it about elevators?" I say under my breath. I hear Ana giggle lightly.

"Which car is yours?" ana asks cutely. Oh baby take your pick.

"Uh from the column down." I point at the brick column a few cars down. She turns towards me in shock.

"All of them?" She says shocked "Isn't that a bit unnecessary?" She says kind of annoyed. It's only like 7 cars.

"Probably. But it's fun." I say. I feel young for the first time. I feel like I'm having fun for the first time. Ana makes me feel like this. I feel like taking my 911 Porsche. I lead the way to the dark grey convertible. She is a beauty. I've barely gotten to drive it since Taylor just drives me most of the time. I go and open Ana's door for her and then make my way over to my side. I decide to take the roof down it's pretty nice out especially for Seattle. I make sure everything is good before starting the car. The engine roars to life. Damn this is nice.

"Okay. Let's go." I say to Ana and drive the car out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors Notes: Hey guys! Sorry I'm so late and for this crappy update. I don't know what the heck happened I wrote a pretty good long chapter but as some of you saw it came up really weird on here. I ended up having to write it over which is why it's so short. This was all a big fuck up and I'm so sorry. But on the bright side I am free for the next week so I will be writing as much as humanly possible. I love you guys. I'll see you soon.**

 ** Chapter 13**

A.P.O.V.

Nobody needs this any cars. I mean it's a total waste. That's what I thought until I saw the look on his face when he turned the porsche on. His face showed pure youthful joy. He looked like a normal carefree hot as fuck 27 year old. If this is what the cars do for him then they are totally worth it.

"Okay. Let's go." He says after looking at me. The car smoothly pulls out of the parking space and towards outside. It's actually pretty nice out today. It's sunny and warm which is rare for Seattle. There isn't much traffic as we make our way on the highway. The closer we get the more nervous I seem to be getting. What if all of this doesn't work out? All of the negativity rushes back to me.

"Ana stop." I hear Christian say which snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Stop what?" Was I doing something subconsciously?

"Stop overthinking and worrying. I know it's scary but you have people who will stand by you no matter what. So stop thinking about all of the negative stuff just be here, with me." He grabs my hand out of lap and gives it a soft kiss and holds it in his lap. He's right worrying isn't gonna do anything.

"You're right." I say to him and I turn the radio on.

Before I make a move.

So baby, come light me up and maybe I'll let you on it

A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it

A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body

Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you

Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret

A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it

A little less conversation and a little more touch my body

Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you, oh yeah

I realize that I've been singing along when I hear Christian laughing at me. I feel the blush creeping up on my face. Yikes…

"You're so damn cute." He says while he's still chuckling. He turns to me and pulls my face to his and kisses me deeply. For a little while I completely lose myself in him. We are both just all tongues and hands, everything else fades away. After what I think was a few minutes we break our kiss. He leans his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath.

"We're here." He says just softly enough for me to hear. He's nervous about this too. God I feel like such a selfish asshole I haven't even thought about how difficult all this must be for him too.

"It'll be okay." I don't know if I am trying to convince him or myself.

"Yeah it will." He says before giving me a soft kiss and a tiny reassuring smile. This is going to be tough.

"Wait I'll get your door." Christian says while climbing out of the car. He's such a gentlemen. He half jogs over to my side and opens my door for. I thank him quickly while getting grabs my hand and we make our way into the building. He opens the door for me and we step inside. I know this place a little too well so I lead the way to the cancer center. When we get there we are greeted by a young peppy receptionist who looks at Christian a bit too long for my liking.

"Hi." I say a bit harshly snapping her out of the greek god induced daze.

"Hi. How can I help you?" Stop staring at my boyfriend and button your shirt up all the way.

"I have appointment at 11 with Dr. Smith." I sound kind of harsh ugh I can't really blame the poor girl. I am also calmed by the fact because Christian hasn't even so much as given her a second glance. He must be used to girls fawning after him all the time.

"Anastasia Steele?" She confirms

"That's me." Okay good that sounded more like me and less of the green eyed monster.

"Perfect. You're all set. The doctor will be with you shortly. You can wait right over there." God why is she so damned happy and perky.

"Thank you." We make our way over to the chairs. As soon as we sit down my phone starts to ring. Crap, it's my dad. Ugh this is gonna be so awkward.

"Hi Daddy." Maybe I should butter him up now so he doesn't kill Christian.

"Hey Annie. Where are you?" He sounds a bit tense, I guess we are all just nervous about today. Oh god a tense Ray and a hot new boyfriend is so not a good mix.

"I'm already up in the waiting area. What about you?" Oh and just by the way I have the most attractive boyfriend sitting next to me.

"I just got here. I'll see you up there." He says and hangs up. I can feel my heart beating faster I hope this goes over smoothly. I look over at Christian and he looks nervous. This is the first time I've seen him look anything but calm and collected, other then last night.

"It'll be fine… right?" I ask softly. I mean Ray wont do anything unreasonable. It will be okay.

"Yes, right it will be fine." He sounds like he is trying to convince himself more than me but I smile anyway.

I see my dad make his way in towards us at first I don't think he even sees Christian. He gives me his tight smile before he looks beside me and sees Christian who is still holding my hands. He continues to make his way over but is now staring at Christian who is looking anywhere but there. When he finally gets to us he immediately wraps me in a hug which is sort of unlike my dad. He is usually very tactical but I guess this is all getting to him too. While he is hugging me I let Christians hand go because it was just awkward.

"Mr. Grey what are you doing here? Is everything alright?" Ray says formally after letting me go but he still has one arm over my shoulder.

"Yes, absolutely everything is fine and please call me Christian." Oh my god this is too awkward I can't take this.

"Dad Christian and I are dating and you can't stop us." Wait, what?! WHAT? Who the fuck just said that? Oh my god it was me. The expression on Christian's face is priceless, It's a hilarious mix between mad as fuck, shocked and terrified all at once. He is just looking at me like I just killed a innocent bunny. I couldn't help it, it was so awkward and he needed to know. It's like we are having a conversation with our eyes.

"What did you just say?" Uh oh that is Dad really mad voice. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Anastasia, they are all set for you." Before anyone could say anything the nurse calls us in. God bless that peppy annoying nurse.


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors Note: Hey guys! I'm back sorry for the long break I was feeling just awful and uninspired but I am back thanks to a PM by LuvSummer! I will probably be updating slower because for school but I will try my best. Thank you to those of you who Pm'd me to tell me something was wrong with the chapter I don't know why that keeps happening but hopefully it will work this. Love you guys let me know what you think of the chapter!**

A.P.O.V.

"Dad can we talk about this after?" Oh my god I cannot believe I just blurted that out. On the bright side Dad has yet to even make a move to kill Christian. Ray just nods. Okay maybe I was just too worried about this. I hope.

All three of us make our way into the doctor's office. When we get inside is already instead on his big comfy looking chair. I knock before I make a move to go inside. He immediately turns around in his chair.

"Ana, Come on in." He says warmly. I feel Christian grab my hand suddenly. I walk into the room and sit on the seat closest to . Oh god who's gonna sit closer. There is one chair next to me and one across the room. Out of the corner of my eye I see Christian offer the seat to dad, smart move. Dad takes the seat without hesitation after saying a quiet thank you to Christian.

"So, how are you doing Ana?" He asks politely. Uh dying how about you?

"Err… as good as I could be I guess. How are you?" I say awkwardly chuckling.

"I'm doing alright, thank you. So what's going on?" He has professionalism spewing out of him. He just seems so put together it's kind of off putting.

"I..um.." I grab my dad's hand before continuing. "I've decided to start my treatment." I take a deep breath after finishing this is me, giving up my life at least for months to the hospital. My statement makes him look up straight into my eyes. I guess my decision surprised him, me too.

"Excellent. I'm so glad. We should get started on treatment right away then. The sooner the better. Of course that means that you will need to check yourself into the hospital." I nod quickly and signal for him to continue. "So with a cancer as aggressive as yours the treatment will be pretty… extreme. For the best results we would need to do chemo and radiation plus surgery to get rid of whatever we can right away." Oh my god. I can't believe this is happening again. I feel the tears form in my eyes. I feel someone reach out and grab my other hand. "I know it seems like a lot right now, and I'm not gonna lie it is but this is how we get your life back. At the end of this we will win. You can do this Ana." I look up at him and give him a small smile and nod. I hear Christian clear his throat, he is staring at my hand which the doctor is currently holding. I think notices too because he takes his hand back immediately. I quickly smile at

Christian but he still looks pissed.

"Okay so like I said we need to start as soon as possible, so when we're you thinking?" He continues.

"I can turn myself in tomorrow morning?" I try to lighten the mood but there I nothing light about this. I'm giving whatever life I have again for an indefinite period of time.

"Okay that sounds good. You can go directly to the oncology wing and they will have a room ready for you. Tomorrow we can run all of the test confirm one solid plan with the whole team and the next day we can do a surgery to go in and get rid of the tumors that we can. Also remember that you can't eat anything tomorrow." So I have 24 hours of freedom, nice.

"Okay." I just nod unsure of what else to say.

"Any questions or concerns for me." This time he is not only addressing me but also Christian and Dad too. Dad just shakes his head no but Christian looks like he wants to say something but doesn't. What's that about?

"Alright so I will see you tomorrow then." He gives me a quick smile before reaching out to shake my hand. I feel Christian come up behind me and put his hand on the small of my back to gently guide me out of the room. Once all of us are out of the waiting room it's time to face a elephant in the room.

"Okay, so early lunch? To talk about… everything I guess." I ask both of them but mostly directing my puppy dog eyes at my dad.

"I just ate breakfast how about May's place for coffee?" Thank god.

"Yeah that's great." I looks up to Christian and he just smiles at me. He's been unusually quiet. Is he having second thoughts about all of this? After hearing what's actually gonna be happening and meeting dad maybe this is all too much for him. I couldn't blame him if it was. The elevator doors open and I step out first then my dad and then Christian.

"Alright so we will meet you there." Christian says to my dad. He just assumed that I was riding with him. Maybe he doesn't want this to end, for now at least. Dad just nods and begins to head towards his car.

"You've gone quiet again Ana." Christian snaps me out of my thoughts. What about him? He went quiet too.

"I could say the same thing to you." I say without looking up him. I'm just focusing on my feet, on the ground.

"I don't like the doctor." Wait what the heck? That gets me to look at him with a confused look and now he's the one who is watching the ground intently.

"Why?" Whoa my voice was high. But I like Dr. Smith he's nice and he doesn't pity me. What would Christian not like him?

"I just don't think he's good enough. We could get you the best oncologist in the world or someone who specializes in your specific type of cancer. We don't have to settle."

"I am not settling. I like Dr. Smith. He's nice and I've dealt with him before. I don't want some fancy doctor. He is just as good a doctor as any specialist you can call in." I don't get where this is coming from. Dr. Smith is qualified enough.

"Yeah I'm sure you like him just fine." WHAT?! Oh my god. I didn't even realize that

"That's what this is? You don't like him because what you're jealous of him?" How could he even be threatened by anyone? And if he is he needs to at least talk to me.

"Ana get in the car we can talk about it later." Somehow I doubt we will.

"You know what no. Not until you tell me what you're thinking." He huffs and rolls his eyes at me but he realizes that I'm serious.

"I'm thinking… that he likes you and I can't blame him but he can give you a normal life. He can give you the hearts and flowers and all of that shit that you deserve. He can be everything that I am not. I am just waiting for you to realize that so yes I am threatened by him. Now can you get in the fucking car." I don't know what to say. I can't believe that he would think that. I'm still speechless so instead I just start to walk over to him. When I reach him I go up in my toes and and kiss him. I don't know how else to reassure him but this. It's a slow meaningful kiss.

"You have nothing, to worry about. I want you. Not Dr. Smith or Trent or anyone. I just want you Christian. Okay?"

"Okay. Now will you please get in before your dad kills me for being late?" I laugh and get in. his mood seems considerably better. He closes my door and goes over to the driver seat. He starts the car and makes his way out of the parking lot.

"Okay where am I going?" Oh right. He has a way of distracting me from everything.

"Oh the place where you ran into me, the coffee place." I was a mess that day. I almost chuckle at the memory

"Got it. So now it's your turn to tell me why you went quiet on me." When he's finished talking he grabs my hand and gives it a soft reassuring kiss and holds it in his lap. How am I not supposed to melt when he does that? And then he says he isn't all hearts and flowers.

"I just… I thought that…" I don't wanna tell him. I feel kind of stupid for thinking that and I know he's gonna get upset that I thought that

"You thought that…?" He isn't gonna let this go is he?

"I thought you were having second thoughts." I say quietly.

"Second thoughts about what?" Oh come on.

"Us. Me." Immediately he lets out a big sigh.

"Ana…" I know he's gonna say that's stupid and I couldn't leave you.

"I know. I know but I can't help it. You know you actually heard everything that's gonna be happening. How hard it's gonna be starting tomorrow and I just thought that you wanted out and I wouldn't blame you if you did ." I say in a rush trying to explain myself to him.

"Okay enough. Ana I am not going anywhere. I don't want to be without you. Ever. Understood?" Whoa, ever? He just got really serious.

"Got it." He turns towards me while we're stopped at a red light and gives me a small smile.

"So, we're dating and you can't do anything about it? You think that was a good way to tell you father about us?" I can't help but start laughing. I hear Christian chuckling too.

"You're face was actually priceless." I say while still laughing.

"Well yeah I wasn't expecting to just throw me under the bus like that." He's laughing more now too.

"I know I'm sorry. I really don't know where that came from. I just wanted to get it out in the open but the 'you can't do anything about it part I really don't know.'"

"It's fine but what do you think he wants to talk about now?"

"I honestly don't know but he reacted to the news pretty well. Better than I thought he would honestly."

"Well I guess we'll find out." He says as he takes our final turn towards the cafe.

When we park he tells me to wait so he can get my door once again. He is ever the gentlemen. He jogs over to my side and helps me put. I see that my dad's car is already parked so he is probably waiting for us inside.

"Ready?" I ask Christian before I go in.

"As I'll ever be." He says back before opening the door for me. I see dad talking to May as soon as I enter.

"There she is! There's my girl." May says as soon as we enter. "Oh and with a very fine gentlemen, hello there." Yeah may has never really been one for subtlety. I speed walk over to May and give her a big hug. I love her so much.

"May this is Christian, my… boyfriend." I can't help but laugh at the pause.

"It's nice to meet you." Christian says giving his hand to May to shake.

"It's nice to meet you too honey. I'm May." Christian just smiles politely.

"So tell me, what can I get you lovely people today? Ana gets an extra muffin because she still looks like she lost weight." May is always worried about me I wonder how she'll react to my news. I'll tell her later when we have a moment alone. I don't want to ruin the moment right now.

"I'll just take a black coffee May." Ray says first and Christian follows right after with "I'll take the same please." Ugh gross I don't know how they drink black coffee it's vile.

"Umm I'll take a english breakfast tea please." I'm not really in the mood for coffee right now.

"Okay and a chocolate chip muffin that's it?"

"May, I had a big breakfast. I'm really not hungry."

"Uh no, you did not actually. She'll take the muffin." Christian says behind me.

"Oh I like him." May says while getting their coffees. I just turn around and roll my eyes at Christian which surprisingly results in him laughing brings a smile to my face he's happy, I make him happy.

"Okay how much is it May?" Ray asks.

"Just $6 dollars honey." Ray immediately takes out. I can feel Christian wanting to object but I grob his hand to stop him. Just let Ray pay don't try to act like the hot billionaire you are. Thankfully he gets my secret message and stay silent. We grab our stuff and go find a table in the corner. There are a few people in here but it's not uncomfortable or crowded. Christian immediately pulls out my chair for me and of course I thank him.

"So.." I say unsure of how to start this conversation. I don't really know what there is to say.

"So.." My dad mimics me playfully in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Look I'm not here to tell you that you can't date. Frankly I couldn't even if I wanted to." Okay good. I hear Christian release a deep breath. I quickly smile up at him before looking back towards dad so he can continue.

"But iI just want to ask both of you if you are sure. A relationship is a big commitment and it's an even tougher one right now with everything that's going on. Making a relationship work is already so difficult but now with everything else… I just want to make sure that you are truly ready to handle this. " Am I ready? I don't know. All I know is I don't know how I can go on without him. Fuck can we really make this work though? Dad's right the cancer plus our differences is this just wishful thinking? But before I can really think any further or say anything Christian begins to speak.

"I completely understand your concerns and both of us thought the same thing and so we talked about it, everything and at the end of it we both still knew that we can't be without each other. I am willing to do anything it takes to make it work. As for the treatment, it's not forever. We are gonna make it past that and make our life together. I can't live without Ana anymore, I just don't know how." Whoa. He looks over at me. He looks kind of shocked by what he just said, me too. I give him a big reassuring smile before nodding at him at my dad who is also surprisingly smiling.

"Well alright then. It's plain to see how happy you are with each other so there isn't much more I can say. How about we celebrate over dinner today?" Before I turn myself in tomorrow.

"Yeah um we could invite everyone, where were you thinking?" I hope Christian's family is free it'll be really great to have everyone together.

"How about Bella's?" Bella's is this amazing adorable little italian place that I love.

"Ohhh yes! I haven't gone in so long it's perfect."

"Perfect I'll call and make a reservation." Dad says.

"Do you think your family could make it on such a short notice?" I ask Christian.

"I can call and get you an exact headcount." He says to me and dad. We both just nod. I take a bite of my muffin and immediately offer a piece to dad and christian. Dad says no thank you and Christian smiles and takes a piece. God he looks so hot while he chews. His jaw does that thing and oh my god I think I'm drooling.

"You're staring." Christian says with a smirk. I just sit there like an idiot blushing and clear my throat.

"I should go. I will see you tonight." Dad gets up and I get up to give him a hug.

"Bye daddy." I say quietly while hugging him tightly. He gives me a quick kiss on the head, noda at Christian and takes his leave. I sit back down next Christian.

"So what are your plans for today?" I turn to Christian and ask him.

"Well I was planning on spending my day with my hot girlfriend." I can't help but break into a smile.

"Lucky girl. What did you plan on doing with said girlfriend." I play along.

"Well actually I'm the lucky one. And I would like to spend the whole day in bed but I have something a bit more adventurous planned." He is so hot and cute and oh my god how is he even real?

"What exactly were you planning?" What is there to do?

"You ask a lot of questions I don't think my girlfriend would appreciate that."

"Yeah she seems like the jealous type anyway." I crinkle my nose in disapproval which makes him laugh. He quickly gives me a kiss which ends in both of us smiling. I strangely happy and sated.

"We should actually get going." Shoot I need to talk to May.

"Can you give me a quick minutes, I wanna talk to May and tell her about everything." I ask.

"Yeah of course go. I'll call my family till then, see if they can make it." I smile and nods before getting up, giving him a quick chaste kiss before going to May.

"Hey. Do you have a minute to talk?" I ask May.

"Anything for you Ana. What's going on?" She already suspects something's going on.

"I uh.." Ugh god I already feel emotional. I chuckle and try again. "I have cancer, again." I stare at the counter top. I hate telling people and hearing it over and over.

"Oh honey." May doesn't say anything else, she just comes over and gives me a warm hug. "You're going to be okay. You are fighting right? I know my Ana, she's a fighter." I can't help but look over at Christian who is also looking at me while talking on the phone.

"Yeah, I am." I look back at her. "I start treatment and everything tomorrow."

"Well alright then. I will be over there as soon as you'll let me. You're going to be fine Ana. I know it." I just nod at her and smile. She's so caring without feeling sorry or anything like that.

"I should go but seriously come visit. Just call me I'll let you know the room number and everything."

"Don't doubt it." She gives me another hug before Christian comes over and out his hand around me. It's more comforting than I thought was possible. The small gesture is so comforting and intimate.

"Ready to go?" He asks me softly. I just nod in response. I say by and hug May one more time before we leave for what is going to be a great day.


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors Note: Hey guys! It's been way way too long, I'm so sorry but there is just no way I can get new chapters up during school, I just have zero time. BUT I promise you guys I am not abandoning this story, I promise I will see it through. Every free second I have I will try to write but the next time I consistently update will be in the summer but I will finish this story no matter what. I missed you guys so much, it kills me seeing all the reviews you post and not be able to post anything. I'm really sorry, I hope you will still want to read. As always I love you guys and I look forward to hearing from you!**

A.P.O.V.

"Okay so will you tell me where we're going now?" I have been asking the same question for 10 minutes,ever since we left the cafe and every time I have gotten the same answer.

"You'll find out soon enough." Yup there it is. But I wanna know nowwwww I whine in my head like a 6 year old. "Do you trust me?" Well that's new. In that moment I realize I do trust him with my life.

"Of course I do." What's this about?

"Okay then shut up, sit back and relax." I give him a scowl before I give up and turn the radio on.

 _So baby pull me closer_

 _In the backseat of your Rover_

 _That I know you can't afford_

 _Bite that tattoo on your shoulder_

 _Pull the sheets right off the corner_

 _Of the mattress that you stole_

 _From your roommate back in Boulder_

 _We ain't ever getting older_

 _We ain't ever getting older_

We ain't ever getting older

You look as good as the day I met you

 _I forget just why I left you, I was insane_

 _Stay and play that Blink-182 song_

 _That we beat to death in Tucson, okay_

 _I know it breaks your heart_

 _Moved to the city in a broke down car_

 _And four years, no call_

 _Now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar_

 _And I-I-I can't stop_

Christian gives me a look because I am screeching at the top of my lungs but this song is just so good. To annoy him even more I start serenading him with the chorus. It does the job because in a less than a minute him turns the volume to almost mute and gives in.

"Okay. Okay Jesus Christ if I give you a hint will stop screaming. Not that I don't love your voice but it's a bit loud for a sunday morning." I almost snort when he says he loves my voice. I sound like a dying pig trying to sing but it's still sweet.

"Maybe. Tell me the clue." I don't just wanna give in but I really know we have already been driving for half an hour.

"Fine. It has to do with the ocean." The ocean? I would guess the beach but that's a 2 hour drive and I doubt Christian wants to waste the day driving. "I'm not saying anything else, except we will be there in under 10 minutes."

"How? Wait what? Ugh, not fair." He starts to laugh and when we are stopped at a red light he quickly turns to me and gives me a quick kiss.

"You're adorable." I just smile like a goofy idiot. How does he make me so happy? How long will it last? I can't help but think the latter. It seems highly unlikely that this will last, either the relationship will die or I will. No I am not letting this ruin our day. I push the negative thoughts out of my body along with a breath.

True to his word in under 5 minutes we are parked in a parking lot. We are near a boat dock, and I see a cute little restaurant too but not much else.

"Okay, this is really nice but what are we doing here?" He just sigh and shakes his head.

"Patience." He says simply. "You don't have much time left for patience Ana." The inner bitch says ugh screw her I am going to enjoy my day. Christian comes over to my side and helps me out. On my way out he smacks my ass. I quickly turns around and scowls at me but he is just smirking ugh. I can't stay mad at him though, I love when he is in these playful moods acting his age.

We start walking down the dock passing a bunch of boats. This place is really cute but I doubt Christian wasted all this time in a the car to look as cute boats. All of the sudden we stop in front of a big huge white boat.

"What's up?" I turn to him and ask.

"This is my boat." He says simply. I think the understands by my confused expression that he needs to continue. "I was thinking we could spend the day out on the sea."

"That sounds amazing." I give him a quick kiss before turning around and making my way on the boat. Once we're aboard we are greeted by a blonde man who looks to be in his thirties.

"Hey Liam." Christian greets him warmly much to my surprise

"Grey, good to see you again. And who is this beautiful lady?" He says gesturing to me. I feel the redness on my face creeping up. Before I can respond Christian says "This is Ana, my girlfriend." I can't help the smile creep up on my face when he says that. I look up at him to find he is already smiling down gently at me.

"Well, it is wonderful to meet you Ana. I hope you enjoy your day." He takes his leave, I like him he's polite but not nosy or anything. Wait, but if he's leaving who is going to drive this thing?

"I am gonna drive the boat." He says creepily asking my question before I have even said it again.

"The ever so capable . Tell me is there anything you can't do?" I say while I wrap my arms and look up at him. He has a broad smile on his face while he looks down at me.

"Well I am flattered . Something I can't do…?" He looks so cute while he pretends to think about it. I can't help but laugh when he rubs his chin. "Well I know that I can't resist you." After saying that he quickly swoops down and gives me a soft yet searing kiss on my lips. Both of us stop because we're smiling too hard.

"Come on, baby. Let's go out on the sea." He says taking my hand and leading me to the front of the boat. He presses some intense looking buttons and the engine starts up. He pulls me in front of him at the steering and rests his head on my shoulder as we start to move out on the water. This feels so perfect, we're both at such ease with each other.

We stand there for a few minutes before Christian starts to kiss my neck down to my shoulder. I can't help but let out a small moan. We drive like that for a few minutes until i step out of his embrace to look out into the ocean. This all feels so perfect, I want to enjoy it while i still can. After what seems like a few minutes Christian joins me again.

"This is really amazing, thank you." I say genuinely.

"It's my pleasure, baby" he says. "Speaking of my pleasure…" He starts to kiss me deeply, god he's good at that.I wrap my hand around his neck and he starts to pick me up, so i wrap my legs around his waist.

He breaks the kiss and starts to walk towards the inside of the boat. I start kissing his neck, I feel so desperate for him. Before I know it we're in a bedroom, before I get a chance to look around he gently throws me down on the bed. He takes of my leggings and my shirt.

"My turn" I say quietly while I start to undress him while he sucks on my neck. God I just wanna lick his body, so I do. Feeling brave, I take of his boxers so I'm at face level with his cock. He gently, and silently urges me to take him in my mouth, so I do. At first i take a little bit in my mouth and suck. I slowly take him deeper and deeper in my mouth before pulling him out completely. This causes him to groan deep in his throat, god that sound is so hot. I use my tongue to lick his entire length all the way down and up on both sides.

"Ohh fuck Ana… shit baby take me in your mouth." He gently commands. Immediately i take him all the way down and swallow. I continue to suck him until after a few minutes he says "Ana i'm gonna come… fuck stop if you don't want me to come in your mouth." I take it as encouragement to take him all the way in my mouth again. After a few seconds I feel him explode in my mouth. "Oh fuck… Ana fuck." After I think he's done, I pull him out of my mouth

When I look up at him he look satisfied for some reason but also shocked. "Have you done that before?" Whoa, he sounds mad? Was it bad? Shit.

"Err… no.. was it..bad?" God I wish I didn't sound so awkward. Thankfully his face softens immediately.

"No, no. Just the opposite actually. You're amazing, the thought of you with someone is… unbearable. I'm sorry if i sounded upset." He leans down to kiss me, deeply.

"My turn" he quietly mutters in my ear as he starts to trail kisses down my neck, to my breast. He spends an extra second focusing on my nipples and I can't help but moan when he does. He moves down my stomach before reaching my sex. He takes a deep sniff, which causes me to blush even further than I already am.

"God you smell so fucking good. I have to taste you. " Holy fuck. Him talking is strangely turning me on even more. He uses his tongue and licks all the way down, and gently licks my clit.

"Oh fuck. Christiann" I can

I help but moan when he reaches my clit again. He starts sucking on my clit and slowly puts one finger inside.

"Let go, Ana. I need to taste you, baby" Fuck. He puts in another finger and starts sucking on my clit harder.

"Oh fu.. Oh I'm gonna come. Ohh" I reach down and hold his head right there. After a few seconds I come, which he sucks up.

"Whoa…" that's about all I can say right now.

"We're not done yet, Baby. I need to be inside you." He kisses me again. I can taste myself in his mouth and strangely turning me on even more.

I feel him rub himself up and down my sex, rock hard once again. I slightly moan in his mouth when he taps his cock on my clit before starting to enter. Once he's all the way inside he pauses for a second and looks at me, to make sure I'm okay, I guess. I gently nod to signal for him to start moving. It's more comfortable then it was last time.

"Oh fuck Ana you're so fucking tight." he slowly thrust in and out. He starts to suck on my collar bone and i wrap my hands in his hair.

"Faster Christian." Fuck the rhythm he's set is torturous.

"I want this slow. I want you to feel me all the way out..." He takes himself out, taps on my clit, and slowly slides all the way back in "... and all the way out." He repeats this twice before speeding up minimally. After what i think is a few minutes I start to feel the build up in my lower stomach area.

"Oh.. god yes.. right there.. agh I'm gonna...fuck Christian"

"That's right. Come for me Ana." He commands and I do. He explodes right after I do. He slowly slides out and collapses on the bed next to me.

He pulls me to his chest, we both lay in peaceful silence, letting our breathing normalize again. This is too good to be true.


End file.
